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Song Parodies -> "Army of Sixty Nine"

Original Song Title:

"Summer of 69"

Original Performer:

Bryan Adams

Parody Song Title:

"Army of Sixty Nine"

Parody Written by:

Patrick McWilliams

The Lyrics

Military history records many instances in which relatively tiny forces under skilled leadership have been able to defeat larger empires and effect major political change. Lieutenant Presley O'Bannon at Tripoli, William Walker in Mexico and Nicaragua, Michael Collins in Ireland, Fidel Castro in Cuba. My dreams of cloning an army and taking over the world continue to haunt me. Scraping up what funds I could find in these tough economic times, I was able to put together only a small team. So I had to start with a small, perhaps fictitious country. Here we go again.
I bought some bootleg stem cells
Lab in an abandoned mine
Spun 'em in a centrifuge
Cloned an army of sixty nine

Me and this happy few
Launched a coup and we fought like hell
Some were killed, others were captured
Battle plan didn't go real well

But when I look back now
Should have taken different action
Covert guerrilla raids
Propagate dissatisfaction

That was the first phase of the war

No use in second guessing
When you've got a war to win
Spent my evenings cloning new soldiers
Then we attacked again

Standing at the palace gate
Reading from my proclamation
Agents moving through the crowd
Stirring up some agitation

That was the next stage of the war

Leading my Army of Sixty Nine

Though we were killing them
We were way outnumbered
In need of resupply

Then our ammo ran out, it's over, its over!

Tactics must keep on changing
What with half my army gone
Heading back to my laboratory
Gonna figure out just what went wrong

Tunnel 'neath the prison walls
Sirens, searchlights trying to blind us
Now we're fleeing to the hills
Hoping the patrols don't find us

We haven't yet begun to fight

Leading my Army of Sixty Nine

Down to an army of six or nine

A shortage I aim to fix

We'll be an Army of Six Six Six

It was the summer, the summer of war
Maybe next time I should clone from soldiers instead of a songwriter.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.3

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Tommy Turtle - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Yep, Fidel Castro effected major change, all right, turning a prosperous nation into a third-world puppet of the Soviet Union. There have been novels and movies on that theme, e. g., "The Boys From Brazil". (cloning Third Reich members who fled there)

Your dream scares me. I'd not admit to that. And I'd never clone myself, per the outro, because I know that one of me is more than enough for the world.

Was expecting a different use for "69". DKTOS, so no vote. Wouldn't have been high, though -- not one of your better efforts.
Patrick - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
According to Wikipedia, your definition of "69" was the one Bryan Adams had in mind when he wrote the song. His co-writer, and most listeners, I would imagine, linked the music to the year of the moon landing and Richard Nixon's first term. Listen to it on youtube, it can be interpreted both ways, and there's no reason at all that it couldn't be both. Great melody by the way, which is how I usually judge songs first. My brother can tell me what the meaning is. I know the world would be a better place if I ran it, simply because I'm too lazy to interfere with what other people want to do. Fidel Castro made a mess of things. I once found a book in a thrift store about 10 years ago. It was called "The Coming End of Castro". It was already 10 years old. As I recall, William Walker was shot for his efforts. As was Michael Collins. Gandhi tried a different approach. Same result. Better advice might be found in the Beatles' "Revolution". If you look back through my cloning songs, you'll see the general theme runs to the line from the old commercial "It's not nice to fool Mother Nature. As I used to say, when they made me, they broke the mold--first.
Patrick - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
One of the problems I have is that songs which seem very familiar to me turn out to be completely unknown to many of the participants in this site. Not that I recognize many of the newer songs that some folks are reworking. Before I can write a parody, I have to "like" the song and know it fairly well. Most new stuff just doesn't "register". The other day I found a slip of paper in a cookie at a Chinese restaurant. It said that I would become an "accomplished" writer. Didn't say what I would "accomplish". I'm starting to reach the end of the line of songs that I know and like. But there may be a few parodies left in me yet.
John Barry - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Saw the title and had visions of troops engaged in mutual oral satisfaction.
Patrick - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
"Don't Ask, Don't Tell", then "Make Love, Not War". When the troops ran out of ammunition some were heard to say "Now we're f*cked". You and Tommy seem to think along similar lines. Why don't you listen up on youtube and see what you can do with this melody.
Tommy Turtle - August 10, 2010 - Report this comment
I DK most newer songs, too, except that they keep remaking the oldies. But hey, you never run out -- you *are* allowed to do the same OS more than once. No links or plugs here, but go to TT Author page, click on "Original Title, which will sort them by that, and you can see -- many, many reworkings of "Goldfinger", "Major-General": "Supercal", "Yesterday", and many others, including, of course, the most being "I Only Want To Be With You", of which TT parodied his own obsession with that song. Doesn't seem as though you''ve v/c'd that, so here's the one link, which will contain links to all versions:

"Before I can write a parody, I have to "like" the song and know it fairly well.". Which is why the gracious offer to do a spin on this OS will be graciously declined, thank you.
          Sometimes, I do songs that I don't like, but know because they were popular; see outro to
Don't like the song, but the OS title made for a perfect, syllable-matched switch to what I had in mind. Also, from your expressed views, thought that you might agree with the thesis, though of course I could be mistaken.

Agree with your view about being too lazy (or philosophically opposed) to running people's lives, but then, as Lord Acton said, "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."

WarrenB - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Almost didn't read this one because of the, er, 'pleasant' title, but I'm glad the temptation got the best of me. Loved it! Your imagination took off on this one, and I really enjoyed the visual of you going back to the drawing board again and again. 5's. Would like to see more of this type of inventiveness.
Patrick - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
For a variety of reasons I don't like to do songs about sex or excrement, of which there seem to be many on this site. Cloning, somehow, became a recurrent theme with me. Saw that Star Wars movie where an evil warlord cloned soldiers to fight a war of conquest. Given my resources, I doubt I could take on the Republic of Molossia. At last report it had a Naval Infantry unit of two men, armed with Model 1853 Enfield muskets. TT: Maybe I should switch to cloning sheep. Look up "Barnyard Commandos" on Google.

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