You Can Torture Me,
With The Brady Bunch Theme,
You Can Play The Theme From The Dick Van Dyke Show,
You Can Play Some Schlock,
Like A Game Show Theme Song Block,
Or Any Instrumental Song You Know,
Theme From Miami Vice,
You Can Play It Twice,
And You Can Play Any Ventures Songs,
But Music Composers Please,
I'm Begging On My Knees,
I Just Can't Take No More Of The Map And Backpack Songs,

Don't Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
Those Most Annoying Songs I Know,
And If You Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
I Just Might Move To Colorado, Ooh

(Instrumental Break)

You Can Clear The Room,
By Playing The Theme From Name That Tune,
And You Can Play Those Ventures Records Till Dawn,
Or I Can Even Hear Slim Whitman Or Zamfir,
Don't Mind An Instrumental Marathon,
Play Some Kenny G,
On Cassette Or CD,
Or Scrape Your Fingernails Across The Board,
Or Tie Me To A Chair,
And Ship Me To Zaire,
But Please Don' Play Those Stupid Songs No More,

Don't Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
You Know I Hate Those Songs A Bunch,
And If You Play Those Songs,
Those Nauseating Songs,
It Just Might Make Me Lose My Lunch

(Instrumental Break)

Don't Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
I Think They're Driving Me Insane,
Please Don't Play Those Songs,
Those Irritating Songs,
I'd Rather Have A Quiet Lunch Up In Maine,

Don't Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
Those Most Annoying Songs I Know,
And If You Play Those Songs,
Those Map And Backpack Songs,
I Just Might Move To Colorado, Ooh Woo!