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Song Parodies -> "A Typical Man"

Original Song Title:

"An Innocent Man"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"A Typical Man"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I've taken a few liberties with the rhyming scheme (in that I've put a few more in), mainly to get the odd joke to work... I'd like to try this live some time, as I think it will work well as a performance piece. What do you reckon?
Some people think about multiple things
That has never been a talent of mine
I can only think one thing at once
(And I think of it most of the time)

I see women juggling several balls
And that's something only women can do
'Cause when it comes to handling balls
Well, I've got my hands full with two

I can't remember names of people I've met
And anniversaries I always forget
I never get lost, I don't make a song
And dance 'bout being wrong
Although "wrong" is something I've never been
I criticize all the women that drive
But don't question my ability
My opinion is my parenting role
Is over once over once conception occurs
And I'm unwilling even to try
Because I am a typical man
I am a typical man
Oh yes I am

It's a cliché to say men are from Mars
And women, they come from Venus
And it's often said that they think with their hearts
But a man, he tends to think with his.. head

I get annoyed when any woman says "Men!"
My ego cannot take being typecast
And I know that I could put the toilet seat down
But honestly, I cannot be arsed

Can't understand why the girls seem to mind
When I say I'm God's gift to womankind
But I know that two, maybe three pairs of shoes
Is all I can use
So why have seven hundred and ten?
I reckon flowers look good in the shop
I bought some once, why should I again?

A dozen beers, then I look for a fight
I'm too uncoordinated to win
And although I look through an alcohol mist
Yeah I'm pissed, I'm a typical man

I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man

The world may think that I've the face of [a] baboon
But in the mirror, I see Orlando Bloom
I love my biceps
My abs and my pecs
(And especially sex)
Got a six-pack and there's more in the fridge
I'm not above going out with a tart
Given half a chance, I'd rather stay in

There ain't no hope of me learning to cook
Or cutting down on how much I swear
Try it and I will say "**** off and die"
Because I am a typical man

I am a typical man
Oh yes I am
A typical man

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   14

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

littleCupCakes - March 19, 2008 - Report this comment
. . . sounds typical, even from the land DownUdder! . . .Mais, vive la difference!
Phil Alexander - March 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, littleCupCakes - are you from down under, then? - But looking at the voting, I guess I must have annoyed some typical male somewhere along the line :-)
littleCupCakes - March 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, I be in NorCAL or SFO Bay area; but sometimes I do get a little "downUdder" . . .
Philsister - March 23, 2008 - Report this comment
I think you'll get stoned if you perform live & I'm not talking about hashish. No, I thought it was very funny, especially being written by a bloke. I guess it brands you atypical from the fact of having written it. And folks, if you think he's a typical man, I can vouch for the fact that he does eveningsworths of ironing after work.
Jason - April 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This was great. Well done.
tomario - April 15, 2008 - Report this comment
love the title and the parody was great. I would perform it at a hen night, they would love it! Lots of great lines, my fav "And I know that I could put the toilet seat down But honestly, I cannot be arsed". Wonderful job.
Jeff Reuben - April 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Awesome job here Phil, this is one of my favorites of yours. I hope you get a chance to record this (I'm working on recording my version of this OS as well). Brilliant.
Peter Andersson - April 20, 2008 - Report this comment
We have a feminist party in Sweden, on their convention they allowed a performance group to sing a song about cutting of every man's "package", to lively applauds, until they realised it had been recorded and showed up on television. Had you performed this there you would probably not have lived to write about it.
Sue - April 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Hi Phil, Popped in to see what you're up to at moment. This is sooooooo funny. Loved the comment about ironing.
Peregrin - April 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Hi Phil, got here late. Some great lines in this :)
Phil Alexander - April 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone... and I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear that when I played this at an open mike last Thursday, I wasn't stoned (in either sense of the word), and it was really rather well-received :-)
stuart mcarthur - April 22, 2008 - Report this comment
more funny man-stuff - very good Phil - loved the "baboon-Bloom" rhyme and the "Venus-head" non-rhyme - 555
Agrimorfee - April 25, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Yes, very funny, cuts into the pomposity of Billy's tune and "everyman" all at once. (quibble: how does one get "arsed"?) 555
Phil Alexander - April 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Ag - I guess that may be a phrase from this side of the pond: to say "I can't be arsed" means "I can't be bothered"
Max Power - April 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Countered that 1 bomb.
Red Ant - April 26, 2008 - Report this comment
Did you happen to record your performance, Phil? Loved "Got a six-pack and there's more in the fridge", "My opinion is my parenting role/ Is over once conception occurs" and the "Venus/head" deliberate misrhyme.
Phil Alexander - April 26, 2008 - Report this comment
Not this time, RA - each time I had tried to have a practice run, I was interrupted, so in front of the audience was the first (and still the only) time I'd played it through all the way in one go. I'm not sure that would have been a fair recording... some other time, though, who knows?
Matthias - April 26, 2008 - Report this comment
Awesome parody! I agree with Red Ant in the liking of the "Venus/head" non-rhyme. I love the original song (So the concert video that Dave added I couldn't stand, because the song was hard to hear). This was a good parody I really liked it, and it reminded me of a lot of my "Guy Stuff" parody. Check it out! The line: "When I say I'm God's gift to womankind" also reminded me of Kristof's sexiest.
Guy - April 27, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM-Mar08) HA - THis is so typical, man. I really like this one Phil.
Jack Wilson - April 28, 2008 - Report this comment
This was AWESOME, hilarious idea.5s
bobpiecheese - April 29, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I love a good Billy Joel parody, and we have a here a BRILLIANT Billy Joel parody. Nailed the pacing, fuggin' hilarious, and you even put in 'arse', which is pretty much worth 555 all by itself! 555 for you, mate!
Invisible Boy - April 29, 2008 - Report this comment
This was excellent. I loved the "non rhyme" gag and the overall idea and tone.
Mikey Squirrel - April 29, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM- Yea, that's right brother! This parody can so excuse my behavior to my wife. Excellent work, Phil.
McKludge - April 30, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Yeah, woman, what's so hard about checking if the seat is down before sitting on it. Do you never look at a chair before sitting down? :-) Great stuff Phil.
Below Average Dave - April 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Hmmm. . . I can see why people could find this funny, I guess I'm just different though. I liked the "I've got my hands full with two" line, but don't really get the juggling many balls. . .well written, but I guess I'm just not a very typical kinda guy :)
Matthias - February 28, 2009 - Report this comment
Upon a re-read I didn't think this one was as good as the time I originally read it. There were a few good lines like the one about having your hands full with two balls (Snigger, snigger), or seeing Orlando Bloom when you look into the mirror, but it just didn't tickle me the same way the 2nd time around.
Glen S - March 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Yes he is. There are many life lessons to be learned in these epic parodies. Congrats on the win way back when Phil.
Invisible Boy - March 23, 2009 - Report this comment
Fun to re-visit this one. I still love it !!!

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