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Song Parodies -> "Those Twins"

Original Song Title:


Parody Song Title:

"Those Twins"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I wrote this song on April Fools' Day last year in honor Fred and George Weasley, the merriest pranksters in the Harry Potter series. Here's to them, to the tune of the exuberant opening song from "Beauty and the Beast".
[The sun rises on the Burrow on a summer day in 1993]
Ginny: Little house.
It's a tiny cottage.
Ron: Could be dull
As Professor Binns.
Percy: But this house
Full of red-haired people
Is in disarray...

Mrs. Weasley: Those twins!
Percy: Those twins!
Mrs. Weasley: Those twins!
Percy: Those twins!
Mrs. Weasley and Percy: Those twins!

Fred: (peeks from around corner)
There goes our brother with his badge like always.
How can he walk with that big head?
George: You would think he’d know my name
Since we live here in the same
Overpopulated house... (goes into kitchen)

Percy: Good morning, Fred!
George: ‘Morning, Perce!
Percy: Where‘s George?
George: Upstairs. Starting to smell up there; I think he just set off some dungbombs in your bedroom, and -
Percy: That George... Mother! I’ll show him... Mother!
(George leaves and dashes off laughing with Fred)

[in a Hogwarts corridor, that fall]
Filch: Look, there they go. Those boys are brats, no question.
They strut around with cheeky grins,
But their antics aren’t allowed.
Since they first came here, I’ve vowed
To revive the old deterrents for those twins.

McGonagall: They liven up Transfiguration.
Snape: Those hooligans! They cause me strife.
Flitwick: Their flair for Charms is quite extensive.
I’ve never taught such students in my life!

[approaching Ludo Bagman at the Yule Ball, winter of '94]
Ludo: Ah, boys!
Fred: Good evening!
George: We'd like to request the funds you promised.
Ludo: Bugging me still, boys?
George: Look, that was all our savings!
Fred: We'll give you another trick wand...
Ludo: You're too young to gamble anyway!
Fred: Ha! That's not what you said at the World Cup!
Ludo: World Cup... Well, I had a lot on my mind!
George: Well, we have a lot of tricks up our sleeves!
Fred: Canary Creams -
George: Ton-Tongue Toffees -
Fred: All sorts of stuff, but we need supplies!
Ludo: Say, boys, isn't that your brother headed this way?
Fred and George: Oh, blast!
Ludo: Toodle-oo!
Fred: We'll see you...
George: See you very soon!

[Gryffindor common room]
Hermione: The twins are whispering. It's so peculiar;
They're always making so much noise!
As I pore over my book,
I will just steal a quick look.
Oh, I wonder what they're up to now, those boys...

[on the Hogwarts Express at the end of the school year]
Fred: George, isn't this amazing?
We can start that joke shop, you and me.
George: And when it's up and running,
We'll let Harry take his pick of merchandise for free!

[at Grimmauld Place, late summer of '95]
Mrs. Weasley: I'm putting both of you on clean-up duty.
Go empty out the rubbish bins.
Fred: Here's a cheerful little thought -
We'll recover what she got.
Oh, she'll never get the best of me.
George: No, she won't get the best of me.
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, they won't get the best of me, those twins!

[a few days later, huddled around Ron's Hogwarts letter]
George: No way!
Fred: No one in their right mind would make Ron a prefect!
George: (to Harry) We thought Dumbledore was bound to pick you!
Fred: I guess you've caused too much trouble. Good for you!
George: Bad for us. Mum's going to be revolting.
Fred and George: (chanting) Ickle Ronnie Prefect, ickle Ronnie Prefect...
Fred: At least one of you's got their priorities right.

Hermione: Can you believe this, Ron? We'll both be prefects.
These two had best tone down their sins.
Mrs. Weasley: Now with any luck you will be a Head Boy just like Bill.
What a shame it didn't rub off on the twins...

[in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, fall]
Fred: We have no use for school achievements.
George: We have our O.W.L.s, so who needs N.E.W.T.s?
Fred: It won't be long before we leave this,
But first we've got to find some test recruits.

[in the Gryffindor Common Room, where first-years are sampling Skiving Snackboxes]
George: Pastilles!
Fred: They're good!
George: They're safe!
Hermione: They're not!
Fred: No harm in puking!
George: Nougats are tops!
Hermione: Nosebleeds!
Fred: So what?
George: They're fine!
Fred: You'll see!
Hermione: Not on your life!
George: What can you do?
Hermione: I'll write -
Fred: Oh, no -
Hermione: Your mum!
George: Not her!
Hermione: You need rebuking.
Fred: Now that's just low!
Hermione: One warning. Just one warning!

[back at the Burrow]
Mr. Weasley: I think their tricks are funny, but my wife...
Mrs. Weasley: Those boys will never get ahead in life!

[at Hogwarts, spring of '96, as Fred and George make their grand exit]
Fred: I think we've had enough of education.
Time for our real lives to begin!
Students: Though we hate to see them go,
There's one thing that we know:
They are on their way to great careers.
Hermione: Unusual but great careers.
Students: They're on their way to great careers,
Those twins!

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Tommy Turtle - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
DK HP either (K Hewlett-Packard; DK Harry Potter ;), but the gamble/World Cup/change mind bit tickled, and the use of dialog is always interesting in a parody. (Have done a bit of that, moiself.) Story-telling was also good, though DK the story. Trust you on pacing - 555.

Where the heck are the Harry P. fans on this site? Something this lengthy, with so much obvious effort put into it, should be getting more v/c. ... (psst, B, maybe the fantasy works aren't effective bait around here? Just guessin', from lack of response.)

Bilbopooh - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks again, TT! I really appreciate the kind comments from somebody who definitely knows his stuff!

Ya, you might be right about my choice of topics... I just seem to gravitate toward that sort of thing; looking through all the parodies I've written, I see that 90+ percent of them are inspired by books, TV and movies - and mostly fantasy / sci-fi. Methinks I live a rather humdrum life... ;)
TT - August 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Hmm, 90% in one area *is* a bit highly concentrated... try reading or watching the news. Politicians and celebs are always good fodder. TT's single most *rapid* success was on Tiger Woods (topical at the time); it was posted on a Friday and had more than 500 page hits by the following Monday.

Parody writing can spice up that humdrum life. (So can other things, but they can't be said here, lol.) Explore different topics, or just go for the silly.
          "Pooh" parodies (bodily function, both gas and solid, not Winnie) are surprisingly successful amongst an otherwise-intelligent crowd. Otherwise, just wait until something strikes you as funny, even if it's several weeks or whatever. Actually, about to take a break myself. But when funny ideas occur, write them down.

Other method: Take your fave OSs -- or your least fave -- and see if funny title switches come to mind. A great title switch is half the battle; the best practically "write themselves". GL!

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