[Bert]:
I swear while traveling, I had the strangest time
with great displeasure and they wouldn't ease my plight.
Oh how they delight in being lax! Better for you to
spare the impending doom. Vowed me: never Budapest!

[Bert]:
Bu...da...pest! Who’d have guessed?
Puts your patience to the test
Tied this chap up 'round his neck, dear me
You'll be denied your sex!
Cue the whore
Hot for sure
Just, me lonely; she had nerve
Took all my stuff!

[Whore]:
Surreptitious!

[Bert]:
Oh, deceived me, she was vicious
She did bring rope by chance
Kink-y I thought: bliss, romance
No beginner, she; I never reckoned theft
Put on: blindfold; just for you
Took a chance and then fooled
Tied me next
Nude, depressed
Budapest!

[Bert]:
Thief drugs you
Fleeced, betrayed
Tied, scammed, blinded, she evades
Help me please, I have been bared
A cruel and scary twist of fate!
Still, I moan
I'm impaired
But, the cops, they all just stared
No one's moving or explaining
While I sat there; entertaining!
They tell jokes, I'm the trick
Laughing at my candlestick!

[Police]:
Sham, it's all in poorest taste
Rat! You can sweat!
Dumb john, we'll own your ass
'Cause cops, we have free pass
In Budapest

[Bert]:
Now I'm stressed
I'm tied, whining and protest!

[Police]:
Cops arrest! Don't protest!
Got new worries, east to west
Let's just say for your display
We've an array of charges, yes
Tied and fled, girl you duped
Then she called on group of troops
Here is she, her name is Dinah
You; perceive her: accessed 'gina
Stole a pork, can't conceal
What a true disdaining steal
Now you'll be detained, be rooming as our guest
We'll make you shout "No more!"
And then you'll flout no more
In Budapest!

[Bert]:
False arrest!

[Dinah]:
I’ll attest!

[Bert (talking to self)]:
Do they jest? This; a test?
Still alive, will not confess!
Whined, implored and asked the Lord
Strive, help this chap in fleshly mess
Just desserts, I'll be free
Can you hear, divine, my plea?
While the cops do their false zoo-in'
I'll be troubling, I'll be brewin’
I'll do harm, making plot
Seven snakes! What if I'm caught?
Keen enough! I must be nonchalant, unstressed

[Police]:
It’s time to pay your dues!

[Dinah]:
Give ‘im a thump or two
‘e pawed me breast!

[Bert]:
Truth you stretch!

[Dinah]:
Yer a lech!

[Bert]:
You transgress!
My request: Take lie test, I will best!

[Bert (talking to self)]:
I’m *so* not deserving
Of this treatment that’s unnerving
In this hole just like a mole, my faith undone
Ah, those good old lays when I seduced, full
Suddenly grows stark cold gray; I’m done!
Ten years for this busting?
No more...or much more? Damn lusting!
No more sex or pies, or dancing through Brazil
Cold days, I can do without this hassle
Shabby, rats, I’m hazy
True; locked in and screwed, it’s crazy!

[Court]:
Budapest, your arrest
She's professed that you accessed
It's all clear since we've her testimony here
And we detest!
With our zeal, it's a breeze
Yes indeed, we shall proceed
Vile this scandal, spite we're showing
Let us whip you, we'll keep going
Coarse with force, bun by bun
Till you spout, "Too rough! No fun!"
Then we'll send you off to weep, so blue, depressed
Tonight we'll chop your meat up
Butt, for now, gets beat up

[Bert]:
Budapest!
Rude arrest!
Cuckoo's nest!
Pleeeaase! End...this...mess!