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Song Parodies -> "I Object"
Original Song Title:
"Be Our Guest"
Original Performer:
Beauty and the Beast (Jerry Orbach and Angela Lans
Parody Song Title:
"I Object"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
I recently wrote to my MP requesting that he raised an objection to the Medical Innovation Bill (often called "The Saatchi Bill" after its originator, Lord Saatchi). I could bore you all to tears with why his bill is so wrong; rather than do this, I'll leave a link for anyone who wants to read the background: http://www.stopthesaatchibill.co.uk/
I still haven't heard back from my MP, though the bill should have been halted after the LibDems made a stand to deny it time in the Commons. If it had reached the floor, I like to think my MP's speech might have gone something like this...
I still haven't heard back from my MP, though the bill should have been halted after the LibDems made a stand to deny it time in the Commons. If it had reached the floor, I like to think my MP's speech might have gone something like this...
Mr Speaker, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that I stand before you tonight.
And now we invite you to debate the bill before
The house, as the Commons roundly rejects
The Medical Innovation Bill.
I object! I object
I say, with all due respect
Its conditions for physicians
Are entirely incorrect
Can this bill
Cure the ill?
Frankly, there's no chance it will
There's no threat of litigation
Stopping med'cal innovation
"Why?" you ask "Where's the need?"
Those are good questions, indeed
Any law should have a positive effect
And what has this bill got?
Well, frankly, not a lot
So I object
I object
I object
Kick it out
Vote it down
Its very basis is unsound
I'll be happier when this crap here
Will be no longer around
For the change
It will make
Could at best be called half-baked
It's a vapid imitation
Of well-thought-out legislation
Wording here is so lax
It could help protecting quacks
And it's very clearly seen
When you inspect
So do not vote their way
Do not say "Aye", say "Nay"
You should object
(I suspect
That I'm getting spittle-flecked)
I object! I object! I object!
I object
I object
At its core is a defect
What a thrill to see this bill
As soon it will be wholly wrecked
And the bill's PR team
Have not acted honestly
See, the figures they've been cribbing
Simply tantamount to fibbing
Telling great porky pies
And disparaging the wise
With a big PR campaign to misdirect
It's more than simply "wrong"
There's an unholy pong
So, I object!
I object!
I object!
Lord Saatchi:
Don't object! Don't object!
All you people we elect
Don't cross swords, the House of Lords
Has passed this bill without neglect
Everyone we have asked
Wants my med-bill to be passed
Or at least, they always answer
That we need a cure for cancer
Some small voices demurred
But I will have the last word
For this bill has been my personal project
Look, do you want to die
Of cancer? Nor do I
So don't object!
Don't object!
Don't object
Life is so frustrating
For doctors not innovating?
Can't just pick a (nearly) stiff to test upon
Ah, those good old days when that was lawful...
One law suit: those good old days are gone
Doctors with ideas
Shouldn't need to face such fears
They need guinea-pigs on whom to foist their pills
There's no need for Bolam or Bolitho
Medical litigation's
Just a way to try our patients
[Commons:]
We object! We object!
Because some bullshit we detect
What we've read 'bout what he's said
We've been misled, and interject
GMC, BMA
And Cancer Research UK
Anyone who's scientific:
They've all said this bill's horrific
Vote by vote, hit by hit
Till it's announced: "The Nays have it"
And we're confident that outcome is correct
Saatchi, shut your cigar-hole
You arrogant PR-soul
We object!
We object!
We object!
NAY!
We object!
and greatest pleasure that I stand before you tonight.
And now we invite you to debate the bill before
The house, as the Commons roundly rejects
The Medical Innovation Bill.
I object! I object
I say, with all due respect
Its conditions for physicians
Are entirely incorrect
Can this bill
Cure the ill?
Frankly, there's no chance it will
There's no threat of litigation
Stopping med'cal innovation
"Why?" you ask "Where's the need?"
Those are good questions, indeed
Any law should have a positive effect
And what has this bill got?
Well, frankly, not a lot
So I object
I object
I object
Kick it out
Vote it down
Its very basis is unsound
I'll be happier when this crap here
Will be no longer around
For the change
It will make
Could at best be called half-baked
It's a vapid imitation
Of well-thought-out legislation
Wording here is so lax
It could help protecting quacks
And it's very clearly seen
When you inspect
So do not vote their way
Do not say "Aye", say "Nay"
You should object
(I suspect
That I'm getting spittle-flecked)
I object! I object! I object!
I object
I object
At its core is a defect
What a thrill to see this bill
As soon it will be wholly wrecked
And the bill's PR team
Have not acted honestly
See, the figures they've been cribbing
Simply tantamount to fibbing
Telling great porky pies
And disparaging the wise
With a big PR campaign to misdirect
It's more than simply "wrong"
There's an unholy pong
So, I object!
I object!
I object!
Lord Saatchi:
Don't object! Don't object!
All you people we elect
Don't cross swords, the House of Lords
Has passed this bill without neglect
Everyone we have asked
Wants my med-bill to be passed
Or at least, they always answer
That we need a cure for cancer
Some small voices demurred
But I will have the last word
For this bill has been my personal project
Look, do you want to die
Of cancer? Nor do I
So don't object!
Don't object!
Don't object
Life is so frustrating
For doctors not innovating?
Can't just pick a (nearly) stiff to test upon
Ah, those good old days when that was lawful...
One law suit: those good old days are gone
Doctors with ideas
Shouldn't need to face such fears
They need guinea-pigs on whom to foist their pills
There's no need for Bolam or Bolitho
Medical litigation's
Just a way to try our patients
[Commons:]
We object! We object!
Because some bullshit we detect
What we've read 'bout what he's said
We've been misled, and interject
GMC, BMA
And Cancer Research UK
Anyone who's scientific:
They've all said this bill's horrific
Vote by vote, hit by hit
Till it's announced: "The Nays have it"
And we're confident that outcome is correct
Saatchi, shut your cigar-hole
You arrogant PR-soul
We object!
We object!
We object!
NAY!
We object!
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| 5 | 5 | 5 | 5 |
User Comments
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I wish someone in the US Congress had taken on Obamacare in such a musical fashion. Political debate needs more poetry. Still not sure exactly what you're objecting to, or why, but that goes for a lot of the politics that show up on this site. And, whatever it is that you're against, there's no doubt that you object to it.
I always have time for a snappy political Phil Alexander BOG parody, and unlike your MP, I care enough to respond. Let the official record show that this is a vote winner!
It's alive—with a healthy dose of humor! Some very clever lines, Phil... I particularly dug your patience/patients play.
Excellence! 5's
Thanks, all :-)
Patrick - a potted summary: Lord Saatchi's wife died of cancer, which is sad, but the noble Lord asserted that the reason people die of cancer is because doctors are afraid to try innovative treatments from a fear of litigation - this is not so much an unevidenced assertion as just plain wrong; then the change in the law he proposed simply wouldn't do what he (repeatedly) claimed it would, his reaction to almost *everybody* in the field of medical and cancer research saying he was wrong was to smear & tell lies about them, while running a PR campaign that was misleading to the point of being downright dishonest. There's lots of info at the stopthesaatchibill.co.uk website. Have to admit, I've never really understood why the Affordable Care Act caused such visceral emotional responses over there..
Kristof - a pleasure to see you around again :)
TJC - I was in two minds whether to leave that one in: after all, medical litigation's a way to try doctors, rather than patients. But I was too chuffed with the wordplay to excise it :-)
Patrick - a potted summary: Lord Saatchi's wife died of cancer, which is sad, but the noble Lord asserted that the reason people die of cancer is because doctors are afraid to try innovative treatments from a fear of litigation - this is not so much an unevidenced assertion as just plain wrong; then the change in the law he proposed simply wouldn't do what he (repeatedly) claimed it would, his reaction to almost *everybody* in the field of medical and cancer research saying he was wrong was to smear & tell lies about them, while running a PR campaign that was misleading to the point of being downright dishonest. There's lots of info at the stopthesaatchibill.co.uk website. Have to admit, I've never really understood why the Affordable Care Act caused such visceral emotional responses over there..
Kristof - a pleasure to see you around again :)
TJC - I was in two minds whether to leave that one in: after all, medical litigation's a way to try doctors, rather than patients. But I was too chuffed with the wordplay to excise it :-)
The standing complaint against US medicine is that doctors perform too many tests and procedures in order to fend off litigation. Perhaps the British system is different. Obamacare penalises people for failing to purchase something they can't afford. Insurance and health care are two different things. A lot of times insurance companies here will not cover innovative treatments. Very complicated issue in both countries, and mostly because the government is too deeply involved.
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