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Song Parodies -> "LeMat was Crude"

Original Song Title:

"I Love You"

Original Performer:

Barney and the Backyard Gang

Parody Song Title:

"LeMat was Crude"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The French LeMat pistol of the 1850s was an oddball with a double barrel design over-and-under. Up top was a .42 Cal smoothbore and below was a 20 gauge shotgun barrel firing buckshot! The trigger had a lever for barrel selection and the ramrod was located on one side for dual usage. The pistol wasn't that great but nonetheless, the Confederates ordered 1500 of them! Some were used in the Franco-Prussian War of 1870, but the Germans had Dryse Needle gun breech-loader rifles and Suhl 1850 Cavalry pistols of conventional design. Some LeMats survived for both WW1 and WW2. Maybe Patrick will give his input. I'm sure he's seen and fired a few.
LeMat was crude,
Long, heavy,
Double-barreled for range 40 (ft)
Shotgun touch,
With some buckshot to shoot,
In military terms, of little use...

LeMat was crude,
But sold plenty,
1500 for the Confederate Army (and Navy)
A later bunch,
Against the Germans were used,
Dryse Needle Gun and Suhl guns shot those fools!

As trench fighter, back to use
And Resistance gun in World War II!!!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   11

User Comments

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Chris - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Nice story, but isn't that gun a relic? Is it even legal to own an old piece of iron like that? Sounds dangerous.
Patrick - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Perfectly legal, and they are still made today. Never shot one. Somebody brought one to a gun show I was at years ago. Asking about half the then current price but no one jumped on it. Even at $400 few perceived it as a bargain. Too big, too heavy, and sufficiently uncommon to not be really "authentic" for reenacting. I have shot a Smith & Wesson Number 2 Army model in .32 Rimfire. Made circa 1863. Still trying to make reliable ammo for a 9mm Pinfire. Available cases are not sufficiently capacious to hold the amount of powder it takes to get a bullet out of the barrel reliably. The 12mm Lefaucheux was reportedly issued to the Kansas Cavalry during the Civil War. Short range, not very reliable, and ammo very scarce. Interesting to think of such archaic firearms being used by resistance fighters in WWII.
Jonathan - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
I'd try to come up with a fun gun pun, but I gotta run! 455
Rob Arndt - March 21, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, I think I read somewhere a long time ago about the French Resistance even using old black powder museum pieces and that odd palm pistol!!! The Germans were still using Lugers and C-96s in WW2 as well.
Patrick - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
During WWII, an OSS agent working with the hill tribes in Burma put in a request for muzzleloading rifles. The natives were familiar with loading and shooting them and could make their own black powder. The government searched its armories and found several hundred 1865 Springfield muskets, which it sent to Burma. I once saw a photo of a Burmese resistance fighter carrying a Springfield in the jungle. Confirmed the story. A friend of mine recently restored a Chicago Palm Pistol, but has never attempted to make ammo to shoot it. Says that the spring is probably too weak to set off the priming in the .32 rimfire brass cased ammo he would have available. Have you ever heard of anyone being shot with the FP-45 "Liberator", other than one unfortunate factory worker who was killed during a test-firing accident? Judging from the Natura Buy website in France, Europe is still flooded with ancient pinfire and percussion pocket pistols. I can well imagine people carrying them during the War, if only as a confidence builder.
Rob Arndt - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Most information on the Liberator pistol has been historically inaccurate. Nobody knows the exact number sent from Britain to France but it was nowhere near 500,000! The FP stood for Flare Pistol to fool German spies, but they knew of the weapon firsthand. So, they probably encountered it with the Greek Resistance. It is said that the Germans were not concerned over it but by shipments of Sten SMGs sent to European resistance groups which included forces from the Netherlands and Denmark as well. There was even a rare double barrel version that was not put into production. Vintage Arms made new Liberators with modern materials, rifled barrels, branding, and serial numbers. I don't know of anyone who ever bought one. It seems like an old one in its packaging can sell for $2-4k!!!
Patrick - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
I remember the Vintage Arms advertising. Way too much for a lightweight pocket gun that would surely injure you hand and would probably break before shooting 10 rounds. But, when you are only making a few, by hand, the costs will be high. Sort of like a special toilet seat or coffee pot for an Air Force AWACS jet. The original Vintage Arms ad warned against drilling a hole with a specified number drill bit through the sliding breech face. Doing so, the ad warned, could allow the firing pin to contact the primer. So, the manufacturer really wanted to emphasize that this thing was a major risk to shoot. The breech was not inletted for the firing pin. I have held a couple of original Liberators. You could cut yourself on the welds, even if you didn't shoot it. I read that the ones that were sent to England were all dumped in the ocean, and the French Resistance never saw them. Reportedly some sent to Philippines. Those people will shoot anything. Main virtue, according to the authorities, was that they would rust away quickly in the jungle and would not be around to cause "social problems" after the war. Still no first hand accounts of any insurgent actually using one to collect a better weapon from an occupying enemy soldier.
Johnny Ringo - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
Golly, if this doesn't beat all!! This is better than reading Guns & Ammo, or Handguns, or Guns Of The Old West. Thunderation and bust my britches! I gotta visit here more often. Straight 1s.
Rob Arndt - March 22, 2017 - Report this comment
It's hard to find reliable numbers with the Liberator pistol. Supposedly, 1 million were manufactured. In 1942, 25,000 were shipped to Britain for distribution to the French and Greek Resistance movements. Mostly to be dropped by air. No one knows how many actually made it to Europe. In 1943, 50,000 pistols were sent to Australia for similar distribution to the islands. So that's 75,000 total. Add 450,000 given to the OSS which renamed it the "Woolworth" gun (cheapness). The rest? Who knows? AFTER the war at least 500,000 were melted down OR dropped in the ocean. Some were used because they are out of the package with usage marks. But during the war? Again, who knows? The Germans knew of the weapon. I read that once or twice in my life. If so, probably from the Greek Resistance or an OSS operation. Total cost to make the gun package was $2.10. The gun itself? .73ยข!!!
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Compare Liberator to Nazi Walther Volkspistole:
Patrick - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
In the early 1970's Century Arms in Quebec was offering Liberators for $50 Canadian. Couldn't import into US. Wonder where those came from. Reported use by auxiliary police in Philippines in 1940's. Modern "Liberators" being produced on 3D printers, with metal barrels and pins. With lower pressure cartridge the shootability could be improved and the lifespan extended. There are a variety of low-cost gun projects on youtube. The Philippine guerrilla forces were known to use guns made from gas pipe, with lit cigarette for ignition. Not sure I'd want to fire one of those. Couple weeks ago a fellow at a gun show showed me a Dreyse Needle Gun he had just purchased. First one i had ever held in my hands.
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
I once handled a Gewehr M1888 Commission Rifle. It looked like a component built weapon borrowing from other rifles. I've owned a few K98s and a fully refurbished K98k in my lifetime. But I prefer modern to antiques. I miss my FAL. The M14 is legendary, but I'd still prefer the FAL over it and the AK family (only because I can't get my hands on an An-94).
Patrick - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Many years ago the Woolco Store in KCK had a whole rack of M1888 rifles with Turkish marked rear sights. $50 each. I looked at about 15 of them before purchasing a Loewe Berlin 1891. There was a time when I would have taken all 15 at that price. Wish I had. They are asking hundreds each these days. Shot them with all kinds of 8mm Mauser ammo. Sold it later. Owned two or three over the years. After the surgery I got rid of the heavy recoil long guns. Glocks and Berettas are fine, and I have them, but it's more fun to shoot something I build out of parts from and old cigar box using custom loaded ammo. Ever hear of the .310 Yuma? Only two rounds ever made, and I shot them both. Fiocchi 9mm Rimfire shotshell, trimmed, reloaded with black powder and a single .310 lead round ball. Fired in an old .38 rimfire spur trigger, sleeved to stabilize the slightly smaller European cartridges. Weird! Looking to build a replica of the H&R Bobby revolver, used by London Metropolitan Police in WWII. Bet they wished a few of their unarmed officers had one of those antiques yesterday.
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
Patrick, have you heard of the Double Tap pistol?
Raymour and Flanagan - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
We hate to eavesdrop, but this two-way is so gay! Why don't you mates get up early tomorrow and shop for furniture?
Rod and Bruce - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
^ Wheee! Then we could talk about interior decorating!!!
Rob Arndt - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
No thanks, guys... I set up my own home, armory included. Remember, never store guns & ammo in the attic, cellar, or in the garage ;-)
Rod and Bruce - March 23, 2017 - Report this comment
^ So Rob, what are your ideas for window treatments for your armory? Don't you think fuchsia makes a daring statement? Rick, you can chime in if you're feeling bold and creative.
Patrick - March 25, 2017 - Report this comment
Just got back from the gun show today. There were more window sellers there than gun dealers. So, maybe your interior decorator friends are ahead of the curve. We had a Double Tap or two at Cabela's. Two much pain to practice with to proficiency. Last year i saw a guy with a pocket sized pistol chambered in 5.56mm NATO. Same pistol also made in 7.62x39mm. Must be a small masochist cult within the firearms fraternity. So many new pistols are now made in pink. Haven't seen a rainbow rifle yet, but won't be too surprised when it happents. As long as you like guns, the firearms fraternity is very accepting and inclusive.
Walt - March 29, 2017 - Report this comment
I saw a girl with a pink Ar-15 at a gun show a few weeks back. Does the manufacturer make them as special or do you have to buy the parts as custom?

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