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Song Parodies -> "It's the News"

Original Song Title:

"No Excuses"

Original Performer:

Alice in Chains

Parody Song Title:

"It's the News"

Parody Written by:

Below Average Dave

The Lyrics

This may get recorded if I find a backing track. . .all other recordings are available at
Man this bites
The news at nine
Too impatient to research
what you find

A crack ho
Caught with Joe Smo
Wasn't riding and
she's fifty-two years old

Every night a story
on the news gets told
I'll place them on the top shelf
It's producers this I know

Brit's a Preg
Dumbledore's Gay
Not amused, I
don't care what Oprah weighs

Heard this too
Writer's feel screwed
They want more money, I
don't make half what they do

Every week the
same crap, it gets rather old
I just keep talking to myself
It's useless 'cause news blows

(Long Instrumental Part)

I was fine
'Til I heard this line
Frozen Pizza, was
recalled for E-Coli

Never ends
It's the new trend
Report it anyway

What is with all
of the deceit that's told
They have no more souls to sell
It's confusing, that I know
In case you were wondering. . .the news stories above are real stories I heard in recent weeks . . .and I was devastated when I heard Totino's Pepporoni Pizzas are being recalled, that's a big part of a single man's diet you know. . .they're cheap!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Matthias - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
These are stories you've heard in recent weeks... So Britney's pregnant again? Was that crack ho with Joe Smo Britney by any chance?
Agrimorfee - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Good news--Dave wrote a parody about bad news (or at least the lack of anything of substance). OTM, 555
Kristof Robertson - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
I was just askin' Joe Smo for directions, honestly! ;-) Great fun, Dave...bad news is always good news for parody writers. 555

I've just finished reading Eric Schlosser's "Fast Food Nation" if the Totino's Pizza was only infected with e.coli, consider yourself lucky!
Below Average Dave ( - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks guys. . .Matthias, yep--TIME and Celebrity both reported that Britney appears to be pregnant again. . .I saw the story three days ago. Agri, most definitely:) Kristof, So it was you! :) I ate a Totino's today too. . .all companies make mistakes, but I'm glad you caught which story I was referring too. . .I had eatin' a Pepporoni & Sasuage Pizza that was within' the recalled dates just days before they recalled it, didn't get sick (did get checked out) but I guess it wasn't in the combo pizza, that or my body killed it! Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation? I'll have to check that out.
Red Ant - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Simply excellent, Dave. I pull no punches when it comes to AiC, and I sang this to TOS with only one minor stumble. I had the idea "So Exclusive" for this but never got any further with it (maybe "So Elusive" about Bigfoot?). 90% of what passes for news these days is nothing more than tabloid fodder. Big 5s.
McKludge - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
24-hour news channels are what is wrong with America. But this parody is right. 555
TJC - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Excellent and innovative bashin', BAD... loved the 'Ho news is good news' theme!
AFW - November 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Putting the news to good use.. timely, topical..and top fives
bobpiecheese - November 20, 2007 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I actually knew one of the headlines (the writer's strike...means I have to wait longer for TF2...damnitt!)! Excellent work yet again, Dave...hope this gets recorded.
Rex - November 21, 2007 - Report this comment
"Today in the news, terrorists have destroyed Seattle with a nuclear bomb. And now we go to our fashion reporter who has this season's hot new look." Good reporting here.

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