If you want to hear Bach
As you cut steak
But would like total silence
As you take a break
Don’t use a tape, a CD, or iPod
You should try this, oh

Get a musical knife
It’s lots of fun
It will better the life
Of everyone
It can sound like a fife
Or a snare drum
You should call the number we show you

Four payments of eighty bucks

Boss keeps you in the dark
As you feel drowned
By floods of paperwork that
Just do not seem to stop
Must you wallow in gloom
When you can smile?
We can help

Get some cubicle lights
It’s worth the cost
Then the room will feel bright
Unlike your boss
You’ll feel better at night
Not at a loss
Now you shouldn’t believe you’re lied to

Four payments of eighty bucks

You can’t have something better to do
You’re up and it’s almost dawn

So what you don’t have a paying job
You can get a bank loan
I know you can find a way to pay
Just call the number

Get some 2 sided dice
Ten bucks for five
Stuff by Vanilla Ice
He’s still alive
Tapes of Miami Vice
You can’t survive
Without what we say you’re in need of

We’re giving you one last chance
Get your musical knife
A one way ticket into space
You can’t get those in stores

Get your cubicle lights
Do what we tell you
Get the card and dial away
No need to fight

You’ll feel bright
Getting cubicle lights
It won’t bite
Get a musical knife

Get some cool merchandise
Won’t cause regrets
For a super low price
Compared to jets
And we’ll throw in some mice
Since you need pets