I don't know
I don't know Kabul
But I'm so there
To get a piece of his mule

I cannot mount my wife's behind
And cellulites
I'm not the Everest type
And when she leans - then I wanna un-light

Here I am - (On expedition to the east)
I know there's no bar
I know I'll have to dress like talibans
(This expedition to the east) - It's going off far
I quit my job and came this far

I don't want Usama's view
I don't wanna kill no jew - that's true
The wild here is calling
And bombs might be falling
But I soo want Usama's ass!

I'm in Tora Bora
I seek to find
To-the-pole-tied-lovers
Of the Afghanistan kind

I've travelled mountains and borders
I've tried to find the man
Why won't he come out of the shadows
Has he too much lice?
Bring him on - so I can stick to the plan

Here I am - (On expedition to the east)
I know there be scars
I know I'll have to dress like talibans
(This expedition to the east) - It's going off far
I dumped my wife to come this far

I don't want Usama's view
I don't wanna join his crew - hairy fairy
Their flour is anthrax
Here's not even Amtrak
But I soo want Usama's ass!

(Substitute guitar-wanking solo)

Imaginary donkey bonking ain't for me
I've known for so long how I wan'it to be
Neither hos, neither goats or walruses or cows
Let them run free - the one thing on my mind is how...

I don't want Usama's view
I don't want the local brew
If I'm poisoned by a fly-wok
I can't call a doc
But I soo want Usama's ass!

I don't want Usama's view
I don't wanna smell like "ewww!!!" - No way!
I might be quite headstrong
And why are my sleeves long?
All I do want is Usama's...
...Ass!