Ooh Ooh!
Hey Mommy, Hey Daddy
Yu’ve bought gifts for me, oh yeah
Long since I’ve been 1
You always buy the crappiest gifts for me
You blow it, your tastes are very dumb
You bought pencil sets for school
A Spongebob Squarepants pool
And fake pirate jewels
A replica of Scooby Doo
I start to pout and glare at you
It’s a meltdown time, for sure

Bad toys
Have no levers, never make noise
(Beep beep beep beep beep! Honk Honk!)
Good toys
Stay together, never break twice
(Vroom vroom vroom, beep beep beep!)

Hey Mommy, Hey Daddy
Get better presents for me
No bats, no balls, come on!
Just when the hell you gonna get me a Wii?
I want to play some Donkey Kong
What did you buy last night?
A fragile, flimsy plastic kite!
Your wallet’s so thin, right?
Why should a child suffer such a plight?
Who cares about plastic in flight?
Just take it all right back to the store!

Bad toys!
Please no Dora Explorer
Kill joys
(“Swiper no swiping!..ooh man!”)
Good toys!
Electronic, sonic, get wise!
(Bleep, bleep, buzz, bang bang bang!)

Toys are cool, it’s oh so true
But dudes like me are stuck with parents like you
Don’t know why you worry
That I’m pushing 30
Obsessed with all these great toys
Hanging with those “strange” goys
Don’t need girls
Friday nights--
Red Bull, Pez and cheese bites
Why do you think I’m such a fool
I hated school

Bad toys
Altogether never bring joys
(Nope nope nope, nope nope, Nuh-uh!)
Good toys
Must be mint, not used, for good buys
(Beep beep beep beep, pow pow!)

Bad toys
Have no levers, never make noise
(Beep beep beep beep beep! Honk Honk!)
Good toys
Stay together, never break twice
(Vroom vroom vroom, beep beep beep!)…

DUDE!