My tongue has hair, a bunch of hair
And my temperature's one hundred and ten
My nose has cramps, the Flu again?
You said I should not go out in briefs
Or I would get sick and freeze
And now I feel like I have a cold or disease

Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm coughing, coughing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm coughing, coughing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?

Shouldn't have had prunes last night
And I shouldn't have stayed up all night
Caough cough cough, ah ah achoo!
Yes, I think I'm coming down with something

Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm weezing, weezing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, oh why am I sneezing?
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm groggy, groggy
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?

Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm coughing, coughing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how could I be sneezing?
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm freezing, freezing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?

I guess I'll have to take one (Take one, yeah)
Call you tomorrow (Tomorrow)
Ah achoo! Oh dang I sneezed! (Ah achoo!)
I don't think I'm sane

Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm coughing, coughing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm coughing, coughing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?

Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm weezing, weezing
Oh, Doctor, doctor, oh why am I sneezing?
Oh, Doctor, doctor, can't you see I'm groggy, groggy
Oh, Doctor, doctor, how hot am I feeling?

Coughing, hoping I won't sneeze
Is this a cold or a disease?

(Repeat the chorus repeatedly until we all get sick of it...)