My Christmas sweater
Makes friends appalled
You cringe at my shoes since they're green
Soles are slapping, They're stunning you all

I won't score a wife now
My clothes have deformed
These shirts are too tight and
Are frightening with tears
Need to fry what I've donned
Noooo, Whoa...

Throw these out
Whooooaaa!
Stormed Wal-Mart
Need new jeans
Not looking smart
(So far from smart!)

Suit's stained with a creamer
White goo's on my twine
Stomachs are lurching
When checked out by girls
Blazer makes their teeth grind

All my hats have a crease, Dear
Sooooooo bad they're concave
I'm not broke I've got dough here
But I'm rather cheap
So I'm viewed the wrong way
Nooo, Whoa, Nooo, Whoa...

Throw these out
Whoooooaaaa!
Dressed so "sharp"
Sprayed with cheese
This nasty scarf
(Will make you barf!)

Whoa!
Throw these out
Whooooaaaa!
Dressed while dark
Stained my teeeeeees
With blood from sharks
(Gets strange remarks)
Whoooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Ski mask smells like doo-doo
Shorts are all frayed
I mentioned my shoes
But my boots are too shunned
They were maimed by a stray

So I'll cling to some new duds
That I'll buy at the store
My sleeves are quite a big mess
Thanks to my nose and snot
My fashion's so poor
Noooo, Whoa, Noooo, Whoa...

Throw these out
(My briefs smell worse than the farm)
Whoa...
Off the charts
(Slacks have been drug through the marsh)
Please help me!
(Can you help me?!)
They're sucking hard!
You're running far!

Whoa!
Throw these out
(My jeans made you quite alarmed)
Whoa...
Fill my cart
(Fill up my whole shopping cart)
Heard you scream
(Just heard you scream!)
These socks are charred!
I'm blushing hard!
Whoa!

Whoa!
Throw these out!
(Large holes have caught you off-guard)
Polo's tarred
(Time spent at the steelyard)
Stink like weed
(I don't smoke weed)
Vest fell apart!
Must press restart!

[Repeat until you actually go out to the store and pick out some new clothes you filthy slob]