We're living right next door to
A family from Ireland
The kind you must implore to
Tone down their loud environment
We're binding the O'Briens
"We're binding the O'Briens!"
And gagging them with handkerchiefs

When they're living next to me
"Binding the O'Briens Briens!"
I can hear cacophony
"Brien's!"
"Brien's!"

Mm--but we're living right next door to
A family of ruffians
The kind who just ignore you
And all your pleas for si-uh-lence
We're binding the O'Briens
"We're binding the O'Briens!"
And tagging them with hieroglyphs

When they're on a drunken spree
"Binding the O'Briens Briens!"
"Briens!"
I can hear their revelry
"Binding the O'Briens Briens!"
"Briens!"

We've knocked them out with ether
And now we are hog-tieing them
And though it's quite beneath her
Our mom is now tie-dyeing them
She's dyeing the O'Briens
"I'm dyeing the O'Briens!"
And dressing them in frilly shifts

"Begorra, bonnie O'Briens--you're beautiful!"

I don't believe it!
There it goes again!
We're out of rope, and I can't bind anyone!
All my loops and bows
And careful knots
Just going through the motions, but

We've finally subdued them
And now they're sitting quietly
I think we have imbued them
With notions of propriety
Mmm--we're binding the O'Briens
"We're binding the O'Briens!"
And shutting them up