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Song Parodies -> "I've Only Got A Three Inch Tool"

Original Song Title:

"I Only Want To Be With You"

Original Performer:

The Tourists

Parody Song Title:

"I've Only Got A Three Inch Tool"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

I've got a little Gerber that's my current muse
It's got on every gadget that you'd ever use
Blade, saw and pliers, a blade (again)
They never let me take it when I board a plane
It's compact and it's cool
I've got a little three-inch tool

So be it fixing shelves or twiddling a knob
My handy little Gerber's always just the job
Screwing or tweaking, or spaying the cat
I use it as a hammer 'cause it's hard and flat
So, don't it make you drool?
My handy little three-inch tool

It's got a tin opener
A handy and dandy saw-aw
A doodad that'll make you ask
Now what the hell is this for?

Now listen honey
Just because I take it with me here and there
That doesn't mean I'm screwing around everywhere
'Cause sometimes I'm banging, and tweaking too
My tool is getting lots of use - not just for you
Yes, it's my little jewel
My lovely little three inch tool

You stopped to frown at me
And looked at me askance
But when you took hold of my tool
Well, I didn't stand a chance

Omission, honey
You say you want to keep an eye on every inch
Your hand upon my pliers made me feel the pinch
But you shortened something that just got snipped
You said it was an accident, your hand just slipped
I guess now I'm the fool
I've only got a three inch tool
Ain't I the bloody fool
I've only
I've only
I've only
I've only
I've only got a three inch tool

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Brilliant double-entendre and a cool twist at the end, Phil...I knew from the title that I'd love this. And well done for choosing the Tourists' version to parody...although I'm sure there'll be a Parody Cop or two screaming "Dusty Springfield blah blah blah...". :-) 555
Jack Wilson - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Dont know this version,or the group,but I know the Dusty Springfield onee so I did it to that 555!
John Barry - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Triple entendre perhaps? Fives for "Three."
Kristof Robertson - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Jack, The Tourists were the band Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart were in before they formed The Eurythmics...this version was quite New Wave and a lot of fun...check it out if you get the chance!
Swiss-Army Legal Division - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Sub-peena parodies are OUR domain and your cutting humor is treading dangerously on our turf... here's some 5's under-the-table to just quietly go away...
alvin rhodes - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
man, i GOTTA get me one of THOSE...5s
Dylan Baranski - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Bob Rivers did a parody called "Three Inch Tool" (which was misattributed to Weird Al), but I think it was a parody of a Hootie & the Blowfish song.
Michael Pacholek - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
The Tourists? Pre- Eurythmics Annie & Dave? Three-inch tool? "Some of them wanna be used by you..." Could be worse, could be the Bay City Rollers' version. Anyway, I used my four-inch tool... my computer's mouse... to give you three earned fives.
Stuart McArthur - October 30, 2006 - Report this comment
as soon as I saw the brilliant title sub, I knew I was in for a treat - a good idea is in safe hands with you Phil - great stuff - 555
Susanna Viljanen - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Fives. I know only the Bay City Rollers version.
Phil Alexander - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
The Bay City Rollers did it, too? Now, that's one I've not heard... I know Dusty Springfield's version, but always preferred the Annie Lennox with long hair (well, with hair, anyway) singing this one.
Dylan - have to say I've gone off Bob Rivers: he so frequently leaves his parodies half-done, so you get one good idea not quite finished.
Anyway, many thanks for the kind words. This one made me smile, too :-)
Michael Pacholek - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
You have my sympathy, Susanna. Could be worse still: Phil could've credited Samantha Fox! (Hey, at least she's got lungpower!)

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