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Song Parodies -> "The Christmas Cash-In Song"

Original Song Title:

"Fairytale of New York"

Original Performer:

The Pogues feat Kirsty MacColl

Parody Song Title:

"The Christmas Cash-In Song"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

It's Christmas time! And that means - I need to write a Christmas parody! So here's the scenario: a pair of underperforming wannabe singers are lamenting their lack of success over a pint or seven in their local pub. How can they get their big break? And then it hits them...

Here's a link to the original song - and still the best version (Ronan Keating, hang your head in shame!)
Been no Christmas-sy hits
In a decade
Well now it seems to me
We need another one
And I should sing the song
Don’t care ‘f I’m out of tune
I’m off my face again
And deep in debt too
Got time to write me some
Might get to number one
Make sure I fill ‘em
With choirs and sleigh bells too
Cash in on Christmas
Sing with me Baby
Couldn’t be a better time
To make a cash cow moo

Hip-hoorah we’ll be stars and make sled-loads of gold
‘Cause to sing Christmas pop songs you can’t be too old
We should both just get hammered and go for it, see
Like Kirsty and Shane did originally
I was famous…
…Now faded
And I’ve never made it
But we might stand a chance with a novelty song
Can’t say you don’t love ‘em
Or there’s too many of ‘em
‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’* is still going strong

Good voices are not really required, and silliness okay
No-one cares, just sing it out – it’s Christmas Day!

It’s a Santa slam-dunk…
Full of tinsel and junk
About chimneys and socks at the end of the bed
You’re sick to your gizzard
Of Slade and of Wizzard?**
Ditch those songs from the past and buy this one instead

Exploiting the yuletide feelgood vibe, tills jingling all the way
With our song vaguely about a Christmas Day

Think what we could become…
A one-hit wonder, chum…
‘Cause I’m no Brenda Lee
And you’re no Crosby
This song’s our ticket, Babe
Who needs a real career?
Crank it out ev’ry year, and just live off the royalties

No choice, ev’ry year and for all time, you’ll never get away
We will belt this ditty out for Christmas Day!
* - UK Christmas charity song that's been re-done about three times now, by a new generation of 'artists' for each version. Could be just me, but it seems to go up in pitch with each successive 'effort' - are all our singers turning into The Chipmunks now?
** - Two bands responsible for two of the most 'enduring' Christmas songs. That's 'enduring' as in 'they can be found on just about every Christmas compilation album since the dawn of time, and get relentlessly played on a loop in every shopping centre in the UK for the entire month of December.'

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

AFW - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Nice scenario...has a good feel...fine work
Dave W. - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
I'm No Brenda Lee and you're no Crosby.......Best Christmas line Ever
Leough - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
555! Fun read!
Below Average Dave - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
This method has worked VERY well for Mariah Carey:)
Rob Arndt - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Well done you- 555!
Lifeliver - December 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Christmas retreads - tell me about it. In Japan we get it from the beginning of November, and it's not even a public holiday. I wrote a parody about it
Excuse the plug. Didn't know OS so checked it out. The jaded mood fits perfectly. A lot of thought evident. I liked Dave W's pick and gizzard/Wizzard. 555s
Wendy Christopher - December 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the comments, everyone :^)

@Lifeliver: I'm off to check that one out now. :^)

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