Little yellow stream tricklin’ down into
The polenta grains
Quinoa is soggy and a funny smell
In the air remains
Kelli’s gone crazy

Her day job don’t pay near enough
So she found a way
She’s gonna start her an OnlyFans
You can watch her spray
Kelli’s gone crazy
Ooh

Kelli T.’s goin’ pissin’ in the food
She doesn’t care if you think that it’s rude
‘Cause the gold earns green
Dudes love the river that they’re watchin’ with a smile
They’ll be wishin’ they could be that cornmeal pile
There on the screen
Who cares if it’s wrong?
She’s been doing it so long

Pissin’ days are over ‘cause the cops are comin’
Someone went and tipped ‘em off
They recalled the products that she’d tampered with
Made the customers cough
Kelli’s gone crazy

And all the people of Keene, New Hampshire
Well they must be shocked
Guess that means that it’s good advice
Keep your food bins locked
Kelli’s gone crazy
Ooh

Kelli T.’s goin’ pissin’ in the food
She doesn’t care if you think that it’s crude
‘Cause it pays so much
Dudes love the river that they’re watchin’ with a smile
They’ll be wishin’ they could be that walnut pile
Wet and warm to the touch
That is just so wrong
She’s been doing it too…

Kelli T.’s goin’ pissin’ in the bin
She doesn’t care if you think it’s a sin
‘Cause it pays so much
Dudes love the river that they’re watchin’ with a smile
They’ll be wishin’ they could be that quinoa pile
Wet and warm to the touch

Kelli T.’s goin’ pissin’ in the store
She doesn’t care if you think she’s a whore
‘Cause it pays a lot
Dudes love the river that they’re watchin’ with a smile
They’ll be wishin’ they could be that quinoa pile
They love what she’s got