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Song Parodies -> "Such Things Make Him A Monster"

Original Song Title:

"One Thing Leads To Another"

Original Performer:

The Fixx

Parody Song Title:

"Such Things Make Him A Monster"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Most of you are probably familiar with the story of Victor Frankenstein and the hideous monster he created. The monster was angry because Victor made him so ugly and abandoned him after creating him. But little known to many is that Victor also neglected to include a very important piece of, uh... male equipment with which our monster felt very inadequate without. Enough to make anyone grouchy.

The conception: abstract
All the parts were quite an array
You've got a blank slate
You will create
But twist of fate, man you made you did cheat
Were the intentions un-cruel?
Fame you chased in black of night
And then one cable crossed feeds the shocks
He's unleashed!
And then discovers: incomplete!

Cries: No play!
Flew into rage, made a big scene
Such things make him a monster
You know there's something wrong
He says he's minus a schlong, so then
Such things make him a monster

The omission, you can tell
Pisses him, he pouts with a bent
'Cause the dong-less, man is he
Not forgiving; goes to your fears
Can't get it up, he ain't up, so you're running out of time
You've seen his aim on your balls
And his one little stump ain't a rock; can't compete
He wants a lover so replete

Screw what you say, stays really mean
Such things make him a monster
You know you've done him wrong
Because he's missin' a dong, so then
Such things make him a monster
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Such things, such dumb things, make him a monster

He's not sleazy, but he grieves
Nobody be playing with he
But when the long part goes in the right place
You know he'll be smiling with glee
Not getting stuff is too tough
He wants to play hot stuff in buff
Bigger and harder with balls
And with the right antidote it puts a bulge in his coat
Goes under covers, now complete

He's o-kay
Do what you say, stays real serene
Fun thing leads to a lover
Can tell he's swinging strong
So now he feels he belongs, so then
Long thing eases the monster

Yeah, yeah

Such things, such dumb things, make him a monster
Long thing, long dong thing eases the monster

Such things, such dumb things, make him a monster
Strong thing, strong schlong thing eases the monster

[Repeat and fade]

Now if we could just do something with that face of yours... If only Victor hadn't torn apart that woman he was making and dumped her in the lake, the monster could have had a real happy ending.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

McKludge - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Really tough OS to pace, but you got it. This is pretty damn funny.

"He would have an enormous Schwanzstücker."

"That goes without saying."
Mark Scotti - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
An absolutely brilliant "creation"!!!
Guy - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
A♣ J♣ - Such a waste - all those beans and no "frank". I'd be "dicked" off too. Nice pace to the OS - you made it look so easy. Well done.
FrankenGirl - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
"He's going to be very popular..." (Voof!) :D
John Barry - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Monstrously good.
Christie Marie M - October 22, 2009 - Report this comment
Frankenstein rocks!! It also makes me think about Herman Munster as well. Love the "minus the schlong" line in your song! Take some monstrous 5's!
blackjack21 - October 23, 2009 - Report this comment

McKludge: Enormous thanks, glad you liked it.

Mark Scotti: Thanks. It’s alive!!! =:-O

Guy: Thanks, beans and frank in place, now he can do some porkin’ ;-)

FrankenGirl: LOL, you know it sister! :-D

John Barry: Monstrous thanks.

Christie M: Thanks, Frankenstein’s monster would be more like Herman Munster had he gotten the proper equipment to start with. ;-)
Goes without saying... - October 26, 2009 - Report this comment
Schwanz thing leads to a stücker...

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