I love to sign the bottom of my expenses claim
A lovely little secret, just for me
Posh restaurants, and that McDonalds coffee too
Best of all, the bill, Joe Public, falls to you

Cheap, never cheap
I’ve got two second homes to keep
Freebies galore for me to reap
So I’ll write them down, down, down, down….

Those silk sheets, those chandeliers, that limo to the ball
Made so many dodgy claims I can’t recall them all (can’t recall them all)
Furnishing, housekeeping, gardening too
Come unblock my en-suite loo (can’t recall them all)
Need a fast plumber for my en-suite loo
Just like me it’s full of poo (sorry can’t recall)

So now I’ll sign the bottom of my expenses claim
Quick smart before the country asks me why
All the great unwashed, too poor to understand
Why an MP’s wages need a helping hand

Quick, sly buck
An island for my favourite duck
But I don’t really give a fig
So whine, peasants whine, whine, whine, whine

So nursey, so fireman, so binman, it’s true
I rob this country blind but I do it all for you (I do it all for you)
Snickers, Doritos and Toblerone
Doodads for my new iphone (yes it’s just for you)
Strip the state budget right down to the bone
And you know I’m not alone (now there’s none for you)

The NHS is too care-y, they should choke yer
If you’re fat or a smoker
Got a house in the Canaries needs upgradin’
Mortgage needs to be paid in
Let’s just kill our big welfare bill, throw them all on the streets
The NHS is too care-y, they should choke yer
If you’re fat or a smoker
Got a house in the Canaries needs upgradin’
Mortgage needs to be paid in
Let’s just kill our big welfare bill, throw them all on the streets