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Song Parodies -> "My Name Is Tommy...(Turtle)"

Original Song Title:

"My Name Is Luka"

Original Performer:

Suzanne Vega

Parody Song Title:

"My Name Is Tommy...(Turtle)"

Parody Written by:

Stuart McArthur

The Lyrics

Help!! My mad transcriber has just fallen asleep whilst working on his tenth bloody Goldfinger parody. Meanwhile, I have managed to escape from the house – in fact I'm already a full 3 metres away - and I've persuaded the kind and compassionate Stuart McArthur to transcribe this SOS for me. So get me OUT OF HERE!!! .........(OS temporarily available here )
My name is Tommy
I live on the ocean floor
But I can't read or write this fellow WHO does it all

But lately something just-aint-right
he's been lam-BASTING with - great delight
that poor Stuart McArthur dude
Alvin, A.F.W.
John A. Barry's suffered too

I think he's pow-er hungry
I'm his sitting duck you see
Ent'ring stuff IN my name, yeah
He thinks he can hijack me

Yester-day, he made Stu choke
and Stu is SUCH - a lovely bloke!
he's just so SOOOO! out-of-control
Nine "Goldfinger"s say it all
Someone please save...
this tur-tle


...yes and THE other day
heard about Jon Voight again
'n how he - with Brad - got along
(but he just - wanted - Aniston)
only want to live a nice

Just how DO I dump this dude?
while avoiding THE lampoon
Amiright? I'm asking you

I'm Tommy Turtle
I am very wise and old
I knew Royce WAS fema-le
It was only HIM didn't know!

S'please believe me Amiright
So come and rescue me - from my plight
...from this MAD Svengali dude
and his bad-ass attitude
before he makes me
...turtle soup

gee he sometimes makes me cry
(I prefer my flippers dry)
I guess I'm stuck here, with this whack!
He's funny? - yeah, I'll give him that
Tommy Turtle?
got ya back!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   11

User Comments

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Rick C - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
HA!!! What a snappy Turtle comeback! (knew it wouldn't take long). :-) Hilarious. 555
Johnny D - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Uh-oh, sounds like somebody might be planning to sue somebody...after all, when it comes to civil re-dress, tort is the way to go.
Arwen - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
One of my favorite OS's to do,'ve done it proud. =)

I generally work matching internal rhyme scheme into my pacing vote, but I'm not going to mark you down this time...because 1) I am not going to have ANOTHER pacing argument with you...and 2) You seem to have suffered enough at the hands of Mr. Turtle as it is...; )

Tommy Turtle & One Aand Only Transcriber - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Replacement transcribers must learn to transcribe faithfully, as dictated.... Tommy, being a resident of the US coastal waters, said that he told you "meters", of course... He knows that I would take either J.A. or A.J., or both, preferably at the same time... hmmm, their initials are reversals of each other, never noticed that before... almost like one's in front of you and one behind... hmmmmm.... (thanks for the TT song reference :)...Tommy, being much more gramatically erudite than his wanna-be new transcriber, would, of course, have said "It was only HE didn't know :).... But the happy ending makes everything OK!!! All has been forgiven, 'twixt TT, TTT (transcriber), and Kiwi... I mean, Aussie lol :) DKTOS. Ya couldn't a picked one I knew - maybe had done before, so ya'd know I knew it? Hey, for your tribute, I even found an OS that was named after you, even if they did make a typo with "Mac"! I (we) did listen to your mp3, which was very helpful. "ocean floor" a great sub for "second floor."....By his own description, Stu's been "choking" (it) since way before TT arrived here a few months ago....(Ahem) "Certain" tribute writers put a link to songs by the tributee that they have cited or parodied (gave you one at bottom of your tribute) -- maybe let readers know what "inspired" this return slam. :) Clever premise, and really fine job, Stu. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Five Flippers Up.

Rick C and Johnny D, good puns.... JD, where ya been????? Missed ya!
AFW - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Great spoofin'...
Stuart McArthur - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks Rick, thanks Johnny

thanks Arwen but gee I found this one hard to pace. Every time I'd read it against the OS playing, I'd think of a better way to phrase each line, then on the next readthru I'd go back to the first way, and so on - it's because SV is irregular in where she comes in and where she stresses - great song tho, I agree - as for internal rhymes within lines, the above process took me so long I barely got this done before submission time, so didn't have the latitude to polish (usually the funnest part, imho)

crikey, TT, way to receive a gift!! "D'ya think ya coulda maybe..." "D'ya think ya coulda maybe..." LOL - j/k - glad you liked it - I would have softened it a bit more, but I ran out of time (see reply to Arwen) - as for HIM/HE - the sentence is all wrong anyway (btw for other wrong sentences please see yesterday's "McArthur's Mark" which stimulated this reply (there's your shout-out!) ) - and my 7-year English/Maths teaching background dictated "HIM," as it's the object to the verb "was" - but I'm open to "differing opinions/artistic licence" on that one (unlike certain terrapins) - glad you enjoyed it, mate!

good on you AFW ;-)
Jon Voight - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
You think I'm going to let you near my sweet, innocent, virginal little daughter now, you filthy pervert?!
Turtle, Not Teacher of English or Maths - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
So, the Aussie schools are as bad as ours? Even those with "7-year English/Maths teaching background" don't know that the verb "to be" takes subjective pronouns rather than objective? Fact, not "differing opinions/artistic licence"

(You are going to love this!) Such verbs are called "copulative". (Jokes come pouring back!!!!)


The word copula originates from the Latin noun for a "link or tie" that connects two different things. In linguistics, a copula is a word that is used to link the subject of a sentence with a predicate (a subject complement or an adverbial). Though it might not itself express any action or condition, it serves to equate (or associate) the subject with the predicate.

A copula is sometimes (though not always) a verb or a verb-like part of speech. In English primary education grammar courses, a copula is often called a linking verb.

The term is generally used to refer to the main copular verb in the language: in the case of English, this is "to be". It can also be used to refer to all such verbs in the language: in that case, English copulas include "to be", "to become", "to get", "to feel", and "to seem".


Following a copula (linking verb) with an objective pronoun is traditionally considered incorrect, following the logic that, as the subject and the object are the same, they should share the same case. Again, to some ears the first "correct" sentence below sounds artificial and awkward.
"Incorrect": The winner was me.
"Correct": The winner was I.
"Correct": I was the winner.

(The example quoted was their choice, not mine.) Correct parody line: It was only HE (who) didn't know. ("Who" is understood, which is a good example of an "elipsis".)
I would never nit-pick any of this otherwise (or to anyone else lol), but since we're raggin' on each other anyway.....
Luv ya, mate :) (hug hug)
Paree Dee - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart, this was great ! Payback is such fun, 'specially when he's green and goofy-lookin' and has stumpy arms and legs.
Typos are "L": - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Flipper only got one "L" in "ellipsis" 'stead of two... Is that offer to replace present transcriber still open?
Stuart McArthur - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
TT................................oh! Sorry! - got distracted - now, could you just run that past me again? ;-)
Dee Range - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
This had me lol, Stu. To take an OS about child abuse and make it this funny takes a master. Well done, mate.
TT - April 06, 2006 - Report this comment
You really want me to paste that again???
Stuart McArthur - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Ha! I was wrong again, TT! I predicted that you would paste it again....

oh,and whoops, d'oh!...NOW I know where the HE/HIM problem was. You're referring of course to the QUEENS English, whereas I always prefer "LowlifeConvictScum" English. You see, in the latter, copulas with SUBjective pronouns are considered incorrect - so there (phew) - it was all just a silly misunderstanding (....hmm, maybe I should have stuck with the artisitic-licence excuse....)

no, seriously, you can see why I only taught English for 7 years - I don't understand it myself - and it's not Aussie schools that are bad, just my classes
Red Ant - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
The 'he/him' thing was fine with me, though I'm DEEPLY offended that you spelt "aint" without an apostrophe. Just kidding of course, this is great. 5s.
Stuart McArthur - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
thanks Jack!

(psst: those turtles can be a bit quadripedantic, can't they? sheesh....)
Red Ant - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
lol, yes, they can be, but they really aren't to blame. They grow up in a rigid home with lots of structure, and generally tend to be shell-tered creatures. I hate to ask (since your 'arse, glass, lass, etc' explanation still has me puzzled), but are "floor" and "all" perfect rhymes in Austrailia? ;-)
Stuart McArthur - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
no - I did take some liberties there, Jack - I was writing it at Midnight here, and new entries usually appear about 12.30am, so I thought close enough's good enough - also "hungry / name,yeah" was supposed to be a rhyming couplet which I didn't honour due to panic :-)

and the glass/arse explanation is that you Americans actually (diligently, I've always thought) move your mouths so the "r" sound is actually attended to in the middle of the syllable, whereas Aussies and Brits just pretend it's not there - ie. pronounce right over the top of it.
So here, "glass/arse," "Hawn/born," "war/saw," "baht/Bart" are all perfect rhymes
My Name Is Tommy - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(Red Ant, LOL) Syntactic, semantic, bombastic, pedantic - c'est moi, but hope not "predictable" :) ... I'm not talkin' the Queen's English (I had always heard that she was) -- I have to mute the AMC series, "Hustle", and read the closed captions, 'cuz I can't understand the Brits, or Robert Vaughn when he's around them. I'm talkin' 'bout the language spoken by REAL Americans, i.e., people who migrated here from England, as opposed to "real Australians", i.e. people who migrated there from England. (huh?????) ... or those from "war/saw" rflmao
Memo to self: Make allowance for global rhyme variations ..... btw, you meant " copulae", not "copulas", din't ya? Now, go cop-u-lay. :)
Stuart McArthur - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
ha, NEVER predictable, TT....and LMAO about the Robert Vaughan reference (that's hilarious - do a parody about that)...and d'oh! about the "copulae"....and, of course replace "migrated there" with "were exiled in chains in disease-ridden convict boats" -my glorious ancestors...
TT - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Stuart, I apologize, both for my quadripedantics and for my quadriped antics. :) :) :) We have a colony like that here also (convict exiles) - the state of Georgia. (tucks into shell, fearing reprisals from proud Georgians). What about those from "war/saw"? (Hint - capital of Poland.) ... LOL... Make it a full two beers on me, mate! =)
Stuart McArthur - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
you batting my gags back at me now, TT? >:-(
but I suppose upgrading from 1.5 to 2 beers will atone
(...not Bud tho)
TT - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
No, taking your "quadripedantics" and putting a space in the middle to make a new gag. heh heh.
Name your brand, mate.... I really do like "Negra Modelo", myself (the beer, not a song plug). ;-)
Stuart McArthur - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
TT: no, I meant "war/saw" and your explanatory hint (although calling it a "gag" I admit is gilding the lily) - my favourite beer is Stella Artois (from the tap) but anything listed in the following will do...

.....except Bud :-)
TT - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Not familiar with Stella, but always willing to try a new head... Commented at your cited link, and I learned that "beer" is two syllables down South... interesting.... repeat memo to self: allowance for global diffs.
Agree 100% with brand preferences. When does the Q jet arrive? I'll have two cold ones waiting.
2Eagle - February 06, 2010 - Report this comment
OK, I found the part about you and Jon Voight. Did he ever play Hamlet?

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