Woke up to the sound of snoring again
I grabbed a pillow and I smothered you
And as you gasped your last, I counted to ten
I kinda liked the way your face turned blue

You ain’t a picture of the days gone by
Before you tipped the scales at two forty
But after years of Bud and beef pot pies
There’s parts of you you can no longer see
And now your snoring’s really pissin’ off me

So early yesterday — cordless saw in hand
(It’s Black & Decker brand) — I dismembered you
For all those sleepless nights, and for your loud airway
Sounds like a donkey’s bray — I dismembered you

I dragged your body, with a tarp rolled ’round
And hauled you up onto your truck’s bed mat
Your foul post-mortem farts made quite a sound
I said I’d kill you one day for snoring like that
And bury you — in your CAT diesel hat

So early yesterday — I drove into woodland
And sawed you up freehand — I dismembered you
For all those sleepless nights, and for your loud airway
Sounds like a horse’s neigh — I dismembered you

I’ve had my share of lost sleep
And here’s the price you pay
I cut you up and tree-chippered your parts away
I swear you’ll never be located

Woke up to the sound of snoring again
Oh happy day, it’s just a dream of you
And now I’ve got no reason to complain
‘Cause now I can sleep the whole night through
Told everyone you moved to Kalamazoo

So early yesterday — cordless saw in hand
(It’s Black & Decker brand) — I dismembered you
For all those sleepless nights, and for your loud airway
Sounds like a donkey’s bray — I dismembered you

So early yesterday — I drove into woodland
And sawed you up freehand — I dismembered you
For all those sleepless nights, and for your loud airway
Sounds like a horse’s neigh — I dismembered you