[fingers drum in rhythm with the opening piano strain]

I should’ve known by the small colored wheel, daddy
That would not quit spinnin’
My laptop froze, and this time it’s for real, sadly
There just ain’t no winnin’

It played dead as my friends all said
I can’t deny I’ve known it would
Right from the beginnin’

You know I know Control-Alt-Delete
Keystrokes to remember
This time it failed, but this dexterous feat
Keeps my fingers limber

I beat my head right until it bled
There is nothin’ I can do
My service plan lapsed in December

So I’m going to try restarting you
’Cuz it’s the only thing I know to do
I could go to sleep
But I’m just going to keep restarting you

[guitar solo while computer restarts]

The card I sent, for “registration”
Well it said they ain’t liable
I must hold them blameless forever

Now I’m going to try unplugging you
Something the techies call a “hard reboot”
I could sit and weep
But I’m just going to keep on jolting you

That’s it, I am so through strugglin’ with you
’Cuz I’ve got other things I need to do
I’ll lose no more sleep
I’m sure the garbage heap will welcome you

[closing piano phrase drowned out by sounds of shattering glass]