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Song Parodies -> "Can't Find My Penis"
Original Song Title:
"Can't Fight This Feeling"
(MP3)Original Performer:
REO Speedwagon
Parody Song Title:
"Can't Find My Penis"
Parody Written by:
Spaff.com
The Lyrics
I can't make my penis any longer
Despite a zillion e-mail guarantees
There's not some big shortcoming with my do-o-onger
The ac-tual problem is my gut's grown past my knees
I tell myself I should cut out carbohydrates
But that would mean less pretzels with my beer
And though it sucks to shock and awe my bli-i-ind da-a-ates
I've got more spots for gerbils
Than a guy like Richard Gere
My diet should be stricter
But that's a useless fight
When the scale I use is Richter
And my butt's a launching site
And I've won more Oscars than Brando for cell-u-li-ite
And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten where it used to be beforrre
I'm scared it's been exposed by Michael Moorrre
Or banned by Tipper Gorrre
Foreverrr
'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what that part was even forrr
It may have been sent off to fight the warrr
Or caned in Singaporrre
Frankly, I can't find my penis anymore
[Guitarrr solo]
My goal has been to go on Extreme Makeoverrr
And become all svelte and svexy like my dreams
But I'd ditch that all for a big bu-u-ull-do-o-o-zerrr
That would bury me in Big Macs
And then pile on Krispy Kremes
I've grossed out my reflection
He wishes he was blind
When I gaze at my midsection
Why do sperm whales spring to mind?
And I'm getting larger than Rosie and Shrek combined
And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what I started looking forrr
I might as well give up the Trojan Warrr
I've lost my chance to scorrre
Foreverrr
'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
There's no Dick Van Dyke for Mary Tyler Moorrre
I'd like to drag my ass up off the floorrr
But standing up's a chorrre
And I just can't find my penis anymorrre
Despite a zillion e-mail guarantees
There's not some big shortcoming with my do-o-onger
The ac-tual problem is my gut's grown past my knees
I tell myself I should cut out carbohydrates
But that would mean less pretzels with my beer
And though it sucks to shock and awe my bli-i-ind da-a-ates
I've got more spots for gerbils
Than a guy like Richard Gere
My diet should be stricter
But that's a useless fight
When the scale I use is Richter
And my butt's a launching site
And I've won more Oscars than Brando for cell-u-li-ite
And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten where it used to be beforrre
I'm scared it's been exposed by Michael Moorrre
Or banned by Tipper Gorrre
Foreverrr
'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what that part was even forrr
It may have been sent off to fight the warrr
Or caned in Singaporrre
Frankly, I can't find my penis anymore
[Guitarrr solo]
My goal has been to go on Extreme Makeoverrr
And become all svelte and svexy like my dreams
But I'd ditch that all for a big bu-u-ull-do-o-o-zerrr
That would bury me in Big Macs
And then pile on Krispy Kremes
I've grossed out my reflection
He wishes he was blind
When I gaze at my midsection
Why do sperm whales spring to mind?
And I'm getting larger than Rosie and Shrek combined
And I can't find my penis anymorrre
I've forgotten what I started looking forrr
I might as well give up the Trojan Warrr
I've lost my chance to scorrre
Foreverrr
'Cause I can't find my penis anymorrre
There's no Dick Van Dyke for Mary Tyler Moorrre
I'd like to drag my ass up off the floorrr
But standing up's a chorrre
And I just can't find my penis anymorrre
© 2004+ Spaff The Purrre
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 3 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 1 | 2 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 2 | 2 | ||||||||
| 5 | 39 | 36 | 35 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Great stuff as always! 555!
For some reason, I'm having trouble remembering the original tune, except for the chorus... but hilarious, as always!
DKTOS, but hey, looks like another Grrreat parody
That was an exceptionally good laugh, Spaff. :-)
Mighty Spaff, this is one I wish I'd thought of. When Spaff writes a parody he doesn't dick around! 555
Great tribute to Ron Jeremy. LOL
Excellent as always, Mr. Spaff...5-5-5....
this is a parody that the "funny" category was made for
When's the next recording, spaff.com?;)
Funny lines! :D esp. 'When I gaze at my midsection Why do sperm whales spring to mind?' LOL 5's
I didn't think it was funny
I've got a little gut, but I still thought this was FUNNY!
Great Spaff!
Hilarious. And I'm impressed you got "aoid" to say something besides "poo isn't funny".
DAS TIGHT! UNFORTUNENTLY I DONT KNOW HOW DAT WOULD FEEL,BEING A GUY AND NOT FINDING YOUR ''MANHOOD''
Excellent! Great stuff.
It's a masterpiece---- lol! Spaffy---- Roflmao!
A breath of fresh air! Great job. -LL ;-)
Too funny...let us know when the video is out!
Apparently I can't find my manners anymore either. Belated thanx, Jackie & Lee OJ & Looney 2nz & Philbo & Johnny Dangle & Tim The Enchanter & Evenstar & Royce-a-roni & Jonathan C (soon I hope) & Patagio & Laudanum (sure you do) & Billy Don't Be a Florio & C4P & Skittles & Gollum & Diiiva & LOL & Jeffaroo (will do)!
Hey Mighty Spaff - a couple of days ago, I posted my own parody of this REO Speedwagon tune, since you inspired me.......my parody is called "Vicodin's The Feeling I Adore", and I think you might get a chuckle or two out of it:
http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/reospeedwagon11.shtml
http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/reospeedwagon11.shtml
dude thats hilarious! Great job. Can i get your autogragh?
Johnny Dangle: I'm glad to have helped you pack for that drug trip. And I got more than two chuckles out of it.
To "somebody with feelings...": I have to suspect that any autograph requests are sarcastic jokes from people who are messing with me, but in the off-chance you're serious, I'd be happy to sign a copy of "Elves Gone Wild" for you. You can get one at elvesgonewild.com
To "somebody with feelings...": I have to suspect that any autograph requests are sarcastic jokes from people who are messing with me, but in the off-chance you're serious, I'd be happy to sign a copy of "Elves Gone Wild" for you. You can get one at elvesgonewild.com
i am so glad for 1: i am not a guy, and 2:i donnt have a big gut to hide all of my surprizes. So tell me,what enspired u 2 write this song?itwas awsome. i give it 555?!
kitkat is right....what inspired u
kitkat & mars: OK, you asked: I lived through the height of REO Stationwagon's popularity, and always thought the lines "It's time to bring this ship into the shorrre / And throw away the oarrrs foreverrr" were among the worst ever recorded. I had successfully blocked them from memory until a few weeks ago, when my dentist subjected me to a "Light Hits" radio station, and "Can't Fight This Feeling" came on. So instead of focusing on all the hands and metal instruments halfway down my throat, I brainstormed parody ideas. This is what I came up with.
Glad I can still find my 5:s.
For those who don't know the original song, it's temporarily available at
spaff.com/dktos
spaff.com/dktos
That was AWESOME!!!! Cracked me up! Great job! :)
dude great parody i give it a 555
(may 04 SOTM) 545.
A HUGE improvement on the original. (SOTM)
(May SOTM) See above.
(May SOTM) I'm sick of songs about fat people. I'm sick of songs plugging a euphemism for genitalia into a chorus. Put the two together? GENIUS!! 5-5-5
hey since when can we say "penis" in a song anymore??
Thanx, Peter chyd & Cookie & cheese & Aggro & Mello & Johnny Dangle & Ralphing Luke!
Malcolm: Good point - guess I shoulda used "cock" instead.
Malcolm: Good point - guess I shoulda used "cock" instead.
Your parody was awesome! Can't Stand That Song Anymore... actually... I never could. But I especially liked your response to Malcolm!!!!! All petty comments should be handled with such tact!!
(SOTM) Spaff, this was hilarious!
Excellent parody. I especially liked the Trojan War line; but why did I envision, when reading the "caning in Singapore" line half of amiright booking plane fare to Singapore?
(SOTM) Great as it was before, Spaffaroo!
Allow me to retract my DKTOS from earlier and give props for a song I wouldn't know how to parody. Grrreat work, and good luck with finding the damn thing. I've heard it doesn't grow too well in the shade, so I'd stick to that diet, man.
Definately not what i was expecting, good job.
Congratulations to Spaff for winning 2nd place in the May Song of the Month contest, with this incredible parody! Well done, Spaff!
Thanx, Smeeeagol & Patagio & Looney 2nz & Magical Mystery Goat.
Johnkins: I hear ya. The headline: "Citizens Caned."
zfunky1: I didn't find Malcolm's comment petty. It was just some good-natured ribbing. Because ribbing enhances your pleasure.
Johnkins: I hear ya. The headline: "Citizens Caned."
zfunky1: I didn't find Malcolm's comment petty. It was just some good-natured ribbing. Because ribbing enhances your pleasure.
voting too hard, yeah Im voting too hard....anyone remember the Seeds?
I remembered you had this one under your belt. 5s again.
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=3009.0;id=1331;image
Billy dba Florio: Hell yeah - got it in my Nuggets box. (Huh huh - he said Nuggets.)
Peter chyd: Um, somewere down there, I hope. Thanx again.
Peter chyd: Um, somewere down there, I hope. Thanx again.
Now that I know more about your politics, I've got to commend you for exploiting Michael Moore and Tipper Gore.
Johnkins: Humor is non-partisan, and it suffered a crushing blow when Bill Clinton left office. Fortunately, the religious right is doing everything it can to fill the void.
I always enjoy the guitarrr solo, Spaff.
Thanx again, 2nz, for going above and beyond by commenting on all the SOTY entries.
Heard a bit of the OS on the radio the other day.....yeah this is MUCH BETTER
Thank you, Jack.
You;re welcome ,Spaff!
I LOVE IT, CAN TOTALY RELATE
Govinda: It's a good thing you said that privately and didn't loudly announce in a public forum.
LOL Spaff to that comment. Anyways Im planning a parody to this sappy OS called Cant Fill This Order
I only hope I can be like Spaff someday! Can I have your autograph?
Belated howdy, Jack. Did you do it yet? I'm too lazy to search.
TullyGirl: Depends what you want me to sign.
TullyGirl: Depends what you want me to sign.
I did line one line and couldnt think of anything else, must be too crappy to spoof LOL. Ill try again
Paper, duh! Whatdid you think?
Jackie: "Too crappy to spoof" - heh heh.
TullyGirl: Uh, er, um, PAPER, of course.
TullyGirl: Uh, er, um, PAPER, of course.
I nearly wet my pants. This songs helps me with my feelings of inadequacy.
Ok the recording of this is just way too effin' hilarious tor words, I noticed you chnage d some lyrics, but nothin' wrong with that. Oh sh*t that was hilarious.
Eric Rosenhan? THE Eric Rosenhan? How are ya, man?
And Jack Wilson: I already know that you're THE Jack Wilson. Which is, of course, the best Jack Wilson to be. Thanks, man.
And Jack Wilson: I already know that you're THE Jack Wilson. Which is, of course, the best Jack Wilson to be. Thanks, man.
http://www.spaff.com/poesy/penis.html
Boring song.
< ! ! ! >
Bill: You misspelled "boning."
< ! ! ! >: Aw. Now I'm blushing.
< ! ! ! >: Aw. Now I'm blushing.
"Humor is non-partisan."
Exactly. Even as a left-leaner, the best thing about living in America is that everyone is a target for someone's parody. Both sides have people who give everyone else a bad name.
And that bad name is Limbaugh.
This needs a vid too!
Hey Jackie. There's a guy named Ward who has made a bunch of videos of my songs. Here's the one he did for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Onc4W7QhLU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Onc4W7QhLU
LMAOOOO!!! 5's all day long! :D
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