Here they come down K Street,
turned up noses, expensive roses, total snoots!
Tongues are a-lyin’ and promises flyin’,
but the truth is they never give a hoot.
Candidates are wavin’ to the crowd
and shakin’ every hand while puttin’ on a smile.
It's a terrible drag, everybody waves a flag,
and every nose stretches out for a mile!

It's a typical American phenomenon
where all the liars come to our TV.
It's the 2016 Grand Convention
of the Grand Old Double Agents
of the Democrats that we nicely call the GOP.

Meanwhile, back at the motel:

"Operator, give me the penthouse, please.
Hello, Candidate Trump?
This here is the Illustrious Mayor.
I said it's the Illustrious Mayor.
The Mayor, Donald!"
Dad blame it! This here's Bloomberg!
Trump, why weren’t you at the parade?
What? Well, how'd that poor reporter get
down there in that outhouse?"
What? I can't believe you, Trump!
Quit laughing’ it off, Trump! Get her out!
Listen, I just want you to know one thing.
You have embarrassed us all, the whole New York delegation!
Now I'll see you at the dinner tonight, Trump,
and you be there Donald, you hear me?
Black suit, seven o'clock! Be there Trump!
And Donald, don't answer the phone, ‘kaching, kaching!’"

Well, it was all arranged by the catering company
in the Marriott Convention hall.
Filet mignon, caviar, hors d'oeuvres
and nine boring speeches in all.
All the tables looked fine with their Screamin’ Eagle wine
and elegant bunting on each side,
and the New York RINOS in their million-dollar limos
made the local heads swell with pride.

It's a typical American phenomenon
where all the liars come to our TV.
It's the 2016 Grand Convention
of the Grand Old Double Agents
of the Democrats that we nicely call the GOP.

Meanwhile, back at the motel:

"Operator, penthouse, please? Thank You!
Hello, Trump? What were you doin'?
What do you mean, who is this?
This is Bloomberg! Why weren't you at the dinner?"
What do you mean all you had to wear
was a pair of farmer’s overalls?
Well, you may think you're foolin' some people,
but I know what's goin' on.
Yeah, everybody seen the little black kid.
That's right, everybody!
Why he come runnin' through the lobby,
right in front of the information desk,
and all his clothes were all covered with blood, Trump.
Donald, you’re the only one who lets people carry knives to your rallies.
Yeah, and he was yellin' out the name Lewandowski, too, Donald.
Yes, your campaign manager, Trump! Dad blame it, Donald,
we’re gonna have to have a special meetin', when we get back to New York
about your conduct at this year's convention! Embarrassing!
Now Trump, you be at the secret conclave tonight, you hear me?
And keep it a secret!"

Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night
with top secret deliberations,
in accordance with the Illuminati’s
duplicitous vituperations.
Matters of grave concern
were weighed with exaggerated caution,
like how they could sneak through amnesty
and continue funding abortion.

It's a typical American phenomenon
where all the liars come to our TV.
It's the 2016 Grand Convention
of the Grand Old Double Agents
of the Democrats that we nicely call the GOP.

Meanwhile, back at the motel:

"Operator, pent….
Yeah, how'd you know? Oh!
Hello Trump! Where have you been?
No, you wasn't at the meeting!"
Well, I found out that at three o'clock this mornin'
you was out there, with your friend David Duke,
in that park around the block
with a bunch of rabble-rousers from the KKK rally last night!
I just hope Ben Carson don't find out about this, Donald!
What? Well, how'd you get that big BLM dude
up there on the high dive, Donald?
Now dadburn it, Trump, that ain't no way to act!
We’re supposed to be pillars of the community.
When we get back to New York, you can just forget about your wall
and your tax cuts 'cause Trump, you are out of the race!
You’re gonna be blackballed, Donald! That's right!
We’ll just have to hold our noses and support Ted Cruz.
What do you mean you might run as an independent?
Donald, don’t you hang up on me!
Don’t you crank up that Johnny Rebel!
What’s that banging’ in the background?
Hello, operator? Yeah, we were cut off! That’s right, penthouse.
Trump! Don't you hang up on the illustrious mayor! TRUMP!!!!!”