Speak for yourselves, Britcunts. Election interference is a felony, and all those agents your fascist far-left P.M. Keir "Der Sturmer" Starmer sent here to shill for KommieLiar Whoreass are therefore felons. Those vermin had better clear out before we execute them all.

Also, you Royalist vermin, we American patriots don't DO "ruling" and "reigning" around here. By Constitutional definition, President Trump will be PRESIDING over our government, not "ruling" it. We're not a monarchy like Julius Caesar's Rome and we're not (no matter what the DemoKKKrats pretend) a mob-ruled DemoKKKracy like Athens, which foolishly voted its way into a disastrous war with Sparta that ended with Alexander the Great eating both of those city-states' lunches. We're a representative REPUBLIC, and the only "rule" we're supposed to have around here is Lex Rex: "The Law is King."

Nation Excited To Have President Again For First Time In 4 Years

https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-excited-to-have-president-again-for-first-time-in-4-years

U.S. — The results of a new Gallup poll reveal Americans are excited to finally have a new president for the first time in four years.

According to the poll, many Americans decided that having no President for the last 4 years was a terrible idea in retrospect.

"Whose idea was that anyway?" asked one citizen who was interviewed. "I think I like having a President in office better than having no President. That's just my personal opinion."

Per Article II of the United States Constitution, the President acts as commander-in-chief and head of the executive branch of the government, responsible for executing the laws written by Congress. But for four years the office had been entirely vacated as the nation was run by an invisible network of unelected bureaucrats.

"It was a scary time. One day we had a president, and then all of a sudden — poof — we didn't," said Nancy Cod of San Francisco, CA. "I thought, 'We should probably have a president once again!'"

An elderly man claiming to be the current sitting President has tried to tell several people that he lives at the White House and has been there this whole time, but these statements have been dismissed by many as outlandish.

"No, Jack! It's true! I'm an important man!" the man, later identified as Joe Biden of Delaware, said. "It's just like my buddies told me back when I drove a semi-truck through cannibal territory in — anyway. I wear a suit, by the way. Not a joke. I am a — look, we finally beat Medicare."

At publishing time, Americans expressed interest in having a real Congress again instead of 535 full-time fundraisers.

4D Chess: Democrats Admit Trump Actually Won In 2020 And Is Now Unable To Serve Third Term

https://babylonbee.com/news/4d-chess-democrats-admit-trump-actually-won-in-2020-and-is-now-unable-to-serve-third-term

U.S. — Controversy erupted today following Donald Trump's landslide election victory, as Democrats admitted that Trump actually won in 2020 and is therefore now ineligible to serve a third term as president.

In a shrewd move, Democratic Party leaders finally disclosed that Trump had, in fact, won the 2020 election against Joe Biden and has been the rightful president this whole time, rendering him term-limited and unable to take office in January.

"Yeah, he actually won a second term in 2020. Sorry about that," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "It's a real shame he already served two terms. Unfortunately, that means he wasn't eligible to run again, which nullifies Tuesday night's election. We probably should have been more up-front about the fact that we stole the election and Biden was never president, but oh well. Hindsight is 20-20. I guess Kamala wins by default now, right?"

Other prominent Democrats seconded the admission. "That's true, Trump was already elected twice," said Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro. "Trust me, I worked really hard to help steal the election and convince everyone that Biden won. So, even though Tuesday night was certainly an impressive showing by the American people, we're just bound by law to block Trump from serving what is, in actuality, a prohibited third term. Sorry, everyone. But, hey, congrats to Trump on that win in 2020."

At publishing time, Nancy Pelosi announced that she had retroactively filed articles of impeachment against Trump for the second term he should have been serving the last four years.

I can't help observing that the right-wing parodies are getting much higher marks than really quite clever liberal ones, like this. Am I just imagining things?

Trump Beats Another Woman

https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-beats-another-woman

U.S. — President Donald Trump has officially beaten yet another woman, remaining undefeated against women.

"Another woman, totally beaten," said Trump. "They keep bringing women and I keep beating them. Not like Doug! What a terrible guy. So sad, what he did in Paris. Keep a high guard tonight, Kamala!"

At publishing time, President Trump had announced that he had beaten a third woman, Tim Walz.

Because people think it is cool to clear the cookies from clicking here and blitzing the votes any direction they please, the rating system here IS TOTALLY MEANINGLESS NOW.. Sorta like real life now. #thenewsteal

Here Is A Complete List Of The Rights You Just Lost Now That Trump Has Been Elected

https://babylonbee.com/news/here-is-a-complete-list-of-the-rights-you-just-lost-now-that-trump-has-been-elected

Trump is now President-Elect and we are now living in the Handmaid's Tale and all our rights are gone and it's the end of democracy. Not good!

To help you keep track, here are all the rights you have lost now that Trump has been elected:
























We'll be sure to keep this list updated as democracy continues to die even more.

Liberals are talking about these election numbers that you probably shouldn’t read if you don’t want to be guilty of thoughtcrime

https://notthebee.com/article/people-are-talking-about-this-chart-that-you-probably-shouldnt-look-at-if-you-dont-want-to-be-guilty-of-thoughtcrime

Thanks for all your comments.

I'm luvin' the title: Perp'll Reign ;-p. The thing is the maga Fascist was convicted of, let's face it, minor things. I'm mean hush money?! But of course Watergate was a minor thing compared to the genocide Nixon committed in SE Asia, the overthrow of democracy in Chile, etc. And they got Capon on income tax evasion. But the Perp'll soon Reign and bring destruction to this nation and world like we've never seen before. In that context I don't care much about hush money or groping a women decades ago. As for this election, surprised, not shocked. We know 1/2 the country consists of evil maga Fascists like the commenters here. And they'll always be here, but so will we. Gretchen-Gavin '28!

BB's half-blank comment might have been funny if today was January 20th.

WELL, THEIR POLICIES CAN’T REALLY WITHSTAND CRITICISM, SO THEY’RE NOT REALLY WRONG: Dems Blame Free Speech for Election Loss.

Flashback: Election Exclusive: British Advisors to Kamala Harris Hope to “Kill Musk’s Twitter.”

https://instapundit.com/683043/

Miss me yet. Hey, maybe the Dems wouldn't have lost if they had run me instead of a candidate who was about as attractive as a hobo's dick cheese. But anyhow .. Say, what do Willie Brown and the 2024 election have in common ... They were both blown by Kamala Harris. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. But anyway ......... What was I talking about?

Hitler named Chancellor 1933. Purges began in 1938. The Holocaust is timelined at 1941. (look it up). It won't happen here Day One. But it will.

ANOTHER WIN! Bette Midler Deletes Her X Account After Implying She Will Drink Drano if Trump Wins

https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2024/11/bette-midler-deletes-her-x-account-after-implying/

Bette Midler deleted her X account on Wednesday after she implied she would drink Drano if Trump won the presidential election.

Midler posted the meme to X on election eve.

The image was of the inside of a refrigerator and showed a bottle of Korbel champagne with a Post-It note saying “Kamala Wins” and a bottle of Drano with a note that said “Trump Wins.”

OH WOW @bettemidler just deleted her account

pic.twitter.com/nO9zzMXqlW

— Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) November 6, 2024

X users trolled Bette Midler.

Good morning @BetteMidler.

Just wanted to check in on this. pic.twitter.com/nY6ZeQjwKi

— Caleb Hull (@CalebJHull) November 6, 2024

President Trump absolutely crushed Kamala Harris on Tuesday night.

Trump is projected to win 315 electoral votes and he also won the popular vote.

Bette Midler deleted her X account

Oh my gosh.

Bette Midler deleted her account.

America is already healing. pic.twitter.com/KFtq3sMhZW

— Matt Whitlock (@mattdizwhitlock) November 6, 2024

Bette Midler is not well.

But seriously, KommieLiar Whoreass-rimming Satan-worshipers, I recommend you not behave like your fool idols right now. Drinking Drano is a horrible way to go, especially since its initial destruction of your throat might not be what actually kills you.

Witches Report Their Spells Against Trump Aren't Working: 'He Has a Shield'

https://cbn.com/news/us/witches-report-their-spells-against-trump-arent-working-he-has-shield

From dabblers to hard-core practitioners, witchcraft has been on the rise in the U.S. in recent years. It has become so trendy that there's an entire TikTok hashtag dedicated to WitchTok, and it's got billions of views. The occult has gained popularity in the political realm as well, once again on display during this election season.

In the lead-up to the presidential election, witches were trying to cast spells against Donald Trump, but this time around they were reportedly frustrated that their spells weren't working.

The Toronto Star reported on one example in which a group of roughly 100 witches had been gathering by Zoom to attack Trump in the spirit realm. "Armed with orange candles, tarot cards, and a not-so-flattering photo of the former president, they cast a spell to block his return to the White House. The final words of their synchronized ritual — 'You're fired!' — echo as Trump's image burns to the ground," the Star reported.

The group is led by a woman with 25,000 subscribers on her mailing list, and she invited all of them to join her in hexing Trump before the election.

But other news outlets reported that some witches were publicly bemoaning the failures of their spells against Trump.

An ABC News outlet in Alabama reported about witches writing on the Reddit forum that their spells won't work like before, with one of them saying she believes it's because many people are praying. "Therefore he has a shield, a flimsy one of course, but a shield nonetheless (I am trying to figure out a way to create spells that can bypass that, but it's difficult)," the witch reportedly wrote.

Another posted, "I hate to say this, but don't do magic against him. He has a form of protection surrounding him that feeds off of magic done against him. You will have better results if you focus your magic on helping his opponent or protecting yourself and others."

Also writing on the WitchesVsPatriarchy thread on Reddit, another witch agreed that something appears to be protecting Trump from their spells.

"Some other witches have mentioned that doing spells directly against Trump are not as effective as we might hope as he seems to have some kind of protection around him," she complained.

Trump publicly acknowledged God's protection of his life on multiple occasions since he was nearly assassinated at a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania in July.

Witches seem to be obsessed with trying to hex Trump since he entered politics. As CBN News reported throughout Trump's first term in the White House, witches were publicly trying to bind him and even his Supreme Court picks, casting spells against them, especially right before the 2020 election.

The trendiness of witchcraft on social media makes some young people believe it's just a harmless hobby. But people who used to be practitioners of witchcraft warn it is real, and it eventually destroys the person practicing it.

CBN News has spoken with an ex-witch named Jenny Weaver many times in recent years. She's now a Christian minister, but she reports her teenage dabbling led to darkness and terror.

"I had such a fear that gripped my life. It crippled me. The next thing that I knew, I was seeing things, hearing things, and I was being tortured by demonic spirits that had come in through the use of witchcraft. It was a very scary time. I didn't even want to close my eyes to wash my face. I was that terrified. If you think that it is innocent I am telling you it will take you down a road you do not want to go down. And I had to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive me."

Weaver encourages others, "If you are practicing witchcraft, I am asking you today to give your heart to Jesus."

So much hate... maybe Yoda was right:

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

...and *so* much stupidity.

...not to mention the voter fraud. You know what wouldn't surprise me?

555, Phil. Sorry this comment got buried underneath all this deadweight.

I miss when chucky wouldn't allow some words

The Nation Is Healing: 9 Miraculous Events Since Trump Won The Election

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-nation-is-healing-9-miraculous-events-since-trump-won-the-election

Our long national nightmare is over. Donald Trump has been elected president again and life in the United States — and, indeed, the world — will never be the same again. Need further proof? Consider this selection of undeniable miracles that have taken place in just the short time since Trump won the election.

1. Feminists are shaving their heads so everyone can easily identify them: No more worrying about which women are shrill harpies.

2. McDonald's announced that the McRib would now be available permanently: No more shall anyone go without press-formed ambiguous meat patties.

3. Airline stewardesses are wearing hotpants and roller skates again: Also, you can now call them "stewardesses" again without getting in trouble.

4. Disney will stop making Star Wars: The spread of darkness and evil has come to a merciful end.

5. Joe Biden rose from the dead: He came back to life to give a speech but promptly died again.

6. Liberal women spontaneously stopped procreating: An answer to decades of fervent prayers.

7. RFK, Jr.'s voice was immediately healed after he touched the hem of Trump's slacks: But upon hearing him speak clearly, everyone agreed that he sounded pretty liberal.

8. The Rio Grande parted to allow migrants to be deported on dry ground: They can return the same way they came, but their feet will stay dry this time.

9. A rainbow appeared in the sky, signaling God's promise to never let Kamala Harris run for president again: Never again will the Lord destroy the earth with incessant cackling.

None of this could have happened unless the nation was truly healing from decades of division.

Great title!

Thanks for your comment Agrimorfee. How is your boyfriend the _conqueror_of_parodies?

I'm guessing that Ag & TCOP will realise the above comment did not come from me. Some people are so desperate for the recognition that comes from using other people's names to post, it's kinda pathetic.

How can this parody receive 500 votes with only 150 views. Someone must have voted more than once. Which party is famous for such manipulations? Most criticisms of Trump are devoid of substance and border on the childish. I'm sure there are real faults and failings he can be attributed with. The people who voted for him are well aware of them. But they don't let those faults interfere with the judgement of his fitness to get the job done. He is not auditioning for Pope, or the replacement for the late Fred Rogers. I think Trump has the potential to be a truly spectacular president. He's learned a few things in the past four years, I hope.

Patrick: looking from the other side of the Atlantic, there is only one side who indulges in voter fraud (both on Amiright and proven in the courts in the US). I disagree with your analysis of criticisms of Trump, and am somewhat dumbfounded that anyone might think that describing someone who has been shown to be in court a conman and a racist, someone who literally tried to subvert democracy when he lost (and that's ignoring the spouting of wild untruths with no idea of whether they are true or not).. that those criticisms are devoid of substance, let alone childish. Listen to him speak for any length of time, and you'd need to be lobotomised to think that this man has *any* understanding of what the job entails.

Oh, I think he has the potential to be a truly spectacular president, all right. If you like that kind of "spectacle". Listen to him: he hasn't learned *anything* in the past four years (probably nearer 40 from the sound of him). Except maybe the phrase "enemy within", I think that's a new one for him.

Patrick, the votes do not mean anything anymore due to a hack in the system, and the comments are being drowned in conservative "humor", people using fake names in attempts to opine on their personal hash about everyone else, and weird, existentially navel-gazing fake garbage about parody writing "talent". and the nature of plagiarizing comments. There are only a few veteran writers still contributing consistently (my personal urges to write parodies are hugely diminished in part due to this place's atmosphere). As Joker Jack said so eloquently in Batman 89 "THIS TOWN NEEDS AN ENEMA."

You sound so sexy when you are angry my darling Agrimorfee! I do love you so much!