Have you heard Phil Collins thins his hair with Sprite®? (What for?)
And he goes wading with this nomad he calls his wife (What for?)
When he’s sad he wads his underwear up tight (What for? What for?)

Now if they told you he’s a brownie
They would not say what brand
They know his face beyond England
But I don’t know who he knows in Siam

They saw his hair and they sawed off his head
They sawed it off and poked his eyes
But he still wore that fat grin, exactly like when
He’s scarfin’ a sack of fries

And I think that Phil Collins thins his hair with Sprite® (What for?)
Eviscerating hapless rodents with pointy knives (What for?)
Hear him squeal, uncomely in his sheer delight (What for?)
In advocating for the homeless in seedy dives (What for? What for?)

Oh, Miss December, Miss December, the jury
Hasn’t reached a verdict yet
It’s the worst time to pass time
For every debt

Albinos are breezin’ by your keep of violent pups
Rabid and drooly
Put a shirt on Fido, but the mange still shows
It’s a strange curiosity

I believe Phil Collins thins his hair with Sprite® (What for?)
And I’ve been paintin’ as he foments discord and strife (What for?)
He-men reelin’ in despair to fight (What for? What for?)
Gesticulatin’ with their helmets at wildlife (What for?)

Icon Phil is combing out his hair tonight (What for?)
And he’s been sniffin’ at his armpits like Barney Fife (What for?)
He shall peel a Bartlett pear, alright (What for? What for? What for?)
Why is he wasting all his money on pocketknives? (What for? What for?)

He’ll sleep in the comfy chair tonight (What for? What for? What for? What for?)
He could be tastin’ clover honey with garlic chives (What for? What for? What for?)