If I fart, no telling
What unwanted things will go
Have a bad case of the runs
Will a turd come, I don't know
I cannot take such a huge risk
Held it way too long
Every second, every moment
It feels like—it feels like something's wrong

[Chorus]
I squeeze cheeks once, I squeeze cheeks twice
I won't let go at any price
Some people say that it's bravery
But I think that it is crazy
No way

If I fart, I won't die
Only face embarrassment
'Cuz if I fart, I know that
Things will come out that were not meant
To smear the inside of my jocks
And leave me standing still
Heaven knows what I'd do then
With boxers—with boxers I did fill

[Chorus]
I squeeze cheeks once, I squeeze cheeks twice
I won't let go at any price
Next time I'll stay away from dairy
And then I'll always be merry

[Chorus]
I squeeze cheeks once, I squeeze cheeks twice
I won't let go at any price
Some people say that it's bravery
But I think that it is crazy
I squeeze cheeks once, I squeeze cheeks twice
I won't let go at any price
Next time I'll stay away from dairy
And then I'll always be merry
I pray

If I fart
Oh—if I fart
Oh—if I fart
Trash my jocks
Trash my jocks