I'm trying to make a name for myself
Make myself popular
I wanna be one of the jocks
I gotta make team

I’ve studied all the play and met the coach
Then I watch all the film
There's nothing left do but make sure that
I’m ready physically

I gotta get a physical, physical
I gotta get a physical, yes I said a physical
Get my body checked out, checked out
Get my body checked out

I gotta get a physical, physical
I gotta get a physical, yes I said a physical
Get my body checked out, checked out
Get my body checked out

I’ve been waiting patiently
Then I finally hear my name called
The doc tells me, “Drop your pants”
And then he cups my balls

I to turn my head and cough
He checked my masculinity
You gotta do, what you gotta do, hey
I wanna join the team

I got a physical, physical
I got a physical, yes I got a physical
Got my body checked out, checked out
Got my body checked out

I got a physical, physical
I got a physical, yes I got a physical
Got my body checked out, checked out
Got my body checked out

(MUSIC)
“So I can see that you aren’t very athletic”
“Yea”
“And I am sorry to tell you, I can’t clear you for football.”
“Well why is that Doc?”
“Your asthma is very bad”
“Oh, shot! Well is there anything I can do Doc?”
“Well there is something”
“What is it, I’ll, I’ll do anything!”
“This won’t hurt, you’ll only feel a pinch, now bend over!”

I took it up the asshole, asshole
I took it up the asshole, yes I said the asshole
Got my bowels cleared out, cleared out
Got my bowels cleared out

I took it up the asshole, asshole