You and I, while we're at the zoo,
Hear a very loud ring, and it comes from my shoe.
Take it off, and I say hello.
Hey, it's the Chief; we must go.
Back at base, we get a mission
Which requires a tactician.
I'm confident we'll do just fine,
Thanks to you, Agent 99.

Ninety-nine missions done.
Time to do the hundredth one.
Chief got kidnapped, what a drag,
But that promotion's in the bag.
We rescued him... Easy stuff.
I'm as clever as I'm tough.
KAOS goons got out of line,
So we killed them, me and 99.

Ninety-nine more KAOS guys,
Ninety-nine times Siegfried tries
To bind us, loot us, stab or shoot us,
Sometimes even to recruit us.
We're in constant danger here,
And we love it, never fear.
No, we can't lose 'cause you are mine;
Yes, you're my girl, Agent 99.

Ninety-nine times every year
I tell the Chief his briefing's clear,
All except the part he told us
After "Listen carefully."
My orders I sometimes forget,
But fail a mission? Never yet.
When I'm confused, you remind
Me what to do, Agent 99.

99, I dream of you
(Although I dream of Jeannie, too.)
The season's done, and we're on hiatus.
I'm sad to say the critics hate us.
We try to find a gimmick here,
Make the show last one more year.
Got a Smart idea soon,
We'll take our vows and say "I do."