They call their team the Utah Jazz, but it makes no sense
It should be the Utah Mormoms, but they'd take offense
They're so straight that they need a great release
and that is sex to the point of polygamy

Floating in Salt Lake, Floating in Salt Lake
It's easy to float in Salt Lake
Salt makes for buoyancy, folks smiling cheerfully
Salt makes for great buoyancy

I see someone drinking a tall, root beer float swirl
helps him love his fat, crispy cream donut girl
There, a bearded self-proclaimed, preacher-prophet retart
kidnapping his next Elizabeth Smart

Floating in Salt Lake, Floating in Salt Lake
It's easy to float in Salt Lake
Mormom religion keeps them high, as high as the sky
a wholesome rocky mountain high

Floatin', Floatin', Floatin', Floatin', Floatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

You won't see anyone sinking in that lake
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

Thanks to prozac, they always feel great
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

You won't see a kid playing hooky from school
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

Perfect attendance is something seen as kool
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

Floating in Salt Lake, Floating in Salt Lake -96
It's easy to float in Salt Lake
Salt makes for buoyancy, folks smiling cheerfully
Salt makes for great buoyancy

Could it be the salt leaves a burning in their eyes
and maybe keeps their blood pressure sky high
Too much prosperity to ever be down to earth
Can they even compute what that's worth?

Floating in Salt Lake, Floating in Salt Lake
It's easy to float in Salt Lake
Boob-jobs help girls float, float so easily
thanks to silicone and saline

Bloating in Salt Lake, Bloating in Salt Lake
It's easy to bloat in Salt Lake
Ice cream makes them bloat, green jello, too,
teen-pregnant women eat some strange stew

...bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'
They're all bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'
They're all bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin', bloatin'
They're all floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin', floatin'

They all float in Salt Lake