Man:
I've maxed my credit card, can't spend a dime,
My family's needs will be unmet, at Christmas time,
And though I'd like to buy, and wrap, with love they're signed,
My gifts will be imaginary for my credit's been declined.

Woman:
My husband is a jerk, All he does is spend,
If he can't buy us stuff, he feels we can't depend,
On him to be a man, by money he's defined,
If only he would understand, we want his time.

Man:
I love my family, my wife I've wined and dined,
But they keep wanting me to see them, how I've pined,
How can I show my face, with hands of gifts unlined,
I want so much to show them how I'm kind.

Woman:
We can't keep on like this, our house is full,
He's bought us everything, he's such a fool,
We never see him now he's buying us more stuff
The phantom of the shopper has never got us enough.

Both:
We see the holidays, so bright and gay,
I want to spend some time with you, if just a day,
Alas it cannot be, for bills I'm/He's way behind,
The Phantom of the Shopper has completely lost his mind.