Girlfriend loves the produce aisle (Oh no!)
Green veggies time
Picking up the same stuff
As I just sigh...

Celery, broccoli, asparagus spears
Some of that high sulfur stuff that causes gas
Stomach can't quite digest, enzymes protest
Bad, bad

(Chorus)
Odious stuff
I hate asparagus
Pee stinks, don't you know?
I hate asparagus
I don't like that kind of food
I hate asparagus
Nutritionists claim it's good
I hate asparagus

Dipping it in Mayo's so uncool
Butter is the best
I can feel the build-up deep inside
Yes, there will be flatulence!

Then to take a piss
Something's in my stream that stinks so bad
Green, wicked veggie
No scented spray, Oh no!!!
The bathroom reeks so bad, so hold your nose!

(Chorus)

Another Diet fight
Girlfriend says I'm wrong, she's right
But I'll settle for peas and corn
Oh yeah
In cans!!!

(Chorus X2)