(She:) Baby, I get so ticklish
And I hope that you'll understand
That it's comfort for my mind, it's not a kink you see

(He:)Heavens! I must be calm in this plan
Since my body hair bothers you
What am I supposed to do with this cream depilatory?
If I shave my thighs for Heather
Will she be much less unhinged?
If I shave my thighs for Heather
Will she remain my dame?

Sometimes, this razor's hard to pull down
Especially past my knees
I am not on a swimming team
So honey, please bear with me

(She:) You're just like Tigger
Your fuzz just makes me start
Just take care now with that blade
Just slowly sweep, and you shouldn't bleed
Are you going against the grain?

If you shave your thighs, my lover
I won't act so darned deranged
Yes, please shave your thighs, my lover
Just go with my game...

Your fuzzy legs did quake me
(He:)Ow, now I'm feeling pain
(She:) Oh, did you get cut honey?
(He:) No, my toe's stuck in the drain! Oh....

(She:) Oh dear, this has been so hard on you
Oh, now please don't cry!
I'll take you to the E/R, Mitch!
(He:) Alright, but please don't tell the guys!
I tried to shave my thighs for Heather
Now my right foot has been maimed
I tried to shave my thighs for Heather
Now I'm all filled up with shame, baby...

(She:)
Shaved your thighs
Shaved your thighs
You tried to shave your thighs for me.