I've seen your crappy movies many times
And I wonder how you keep getting work, it blows my mind.
Sometimes I wish you'd stopped after making Speed.
Keanu, acting school is what you need!

Have you seen Bill and Ted?
Or that shitfest Constantine?
That same blank expression, you've got in every scene.
Sweet November really sucked,
And Chain Reaction really blew.
When are you gonna give up, Keanu

The Matrix could have salvaged some respect,
But those sequels ruined all hope I had, what did you expect?
Hardball and My Own Private Idaho
Keanu, why do all your movies blow?

Have you seen A Walk In The Clouds?
It's even worse then Constantine.
That same old blank expression, you've got in every scene.
The Devil's Advocate wasn't bad,
But The Watcher really blew.
Wish that I could make you give up, Keanu

Keanu, you'll be remembered for your "whoa!".
Point Break was an eye-sore,
But I hope I'm getting through.
You've got the acting range of plywood, and the brains of a canoe.
Tell me how to get you to stop,
For I haven't got a clue.
When are you gonna give up... Keanu