In a small rundown hospital in New York
The obstetrician is scrubbed and beginning his work

When suddently the thought started to hit me
What if I'm so ugly they won't even get me

Then I started cryin', and had a fear that I was dyin'
He whacked me and asked what is his name?

With a frown on their faces, they sat in their places
Calloused hands of one lookin' like a mountain held me
Then I looked around and knew I wasn't dead

Then he started shakin', his big heart was breakin'
And he turned to the woman and said

You picked a fine time to conceive him, Lucille
I'm the only man around and now you want me to pay the bill

He left for some whickey
I thought she had made him look small

I saw that she was a beauty,
Then she looked over at me
She said you're a cutie
We all will have to do our duty
But the words kept rambling through my head

I haven't had any good times
I have only had bad time, this time the hurtin' won't heal
You picked a fine time to conceive me, Lucille

You picked a fine time to conceive me, Lucille
No man around and you can't pay my bill
You picked a fine time to conceive me, Lucille

You may have had a fine time
Both of you may have had lots of fun
But you picked a fine time to conceive me, Lucille
No man around and you can't pay my bill
You picked a fine time to conceive me, Lucille