Used to be my friend, you were still unfair
Tried to shave off all of my hair
Without knowing, because I think that wasn't fair
I oughta learn how to grow my hair back
A while ago, I haven't fed my cat
Lookin' at you tried to help me
Ooh, but I'm not surprised

Now you dumped everyone's (trash)
Trash into my truck's back
The back of my truck is smelly out there
I think you were rude and rotten

I ought to (I ought to feel sad)
I ought to (Get it, get it, get it, get it?)
I ought to (I ought to take my truck to the dump)
I ought to (but swear someday, you won't be comin' back)

You made a mess in my bathrooms
As well as my lousy bedroom
I remarked "I'm gettin' mad!"
No, you're no longer glad

I just don't want to see you (nope)
You're not welcome here
You're bad, you're bad, you're bad
And so you know

I ought to (I oughta whip out my Jericho 941)
I ought to (you better get out of here)
I ought to (somebody totaled my car)
I ought to (don't tell me it's you)

I ought to (no way)
I ought to (I ought to back you off)
I ought to (I'll turn up my music real loud)
I ought to (I'm putting on a bad song for you, I'm doing this, moron)

I ought to (pepper you with dirty laundry)
I ought to (kick you in the crotch just for fun)
I ought to (throw custard pies at your face)
I ought to (trap you in a big plastic bag)

I ought to (throw you into a dumpster)
I ought to (clean up my whole house for a week)
I ought to (and not to worry about you)
I ought to (but now I'm not feeling good)

I ought to (I rather throw up...)
[vomits]