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Song Parodies -> "Never Work At Wal-Mart Again"

Original Song Title:

"Love Will Tear Us Apart"

Original Performer:

Joy Division

Parody Song Title:

"Never Work At Wal-Mart Again"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Inspired by true events, dedicated to M.G.
Well the work's not that hard
But the pay rates are low
Sales and rebates are high
Job promotions don't grow
Now just one of these days
I'll tell off all these toads
Then I, I won't work at Wal-Mart again

Why is the manager cold?
The one from soft-lines
I want to murder that broad
No respect. Made me cry
Just what is her deal?
I'm breaking out in hives
I, I won't work at Wal-Mart again

I can't get a good night's sleep
Open door is now closed
Happiness has gone south
My paid vacation's on hold
Job at Starbucks looks good
I can't take it no more!
'Cause I, I won't work at Wal-Mart again.
Copyright 2005. soft-lines=clothing and accessoriesFor anal-retentive music fans, I will note here that the song was first recorded in 1979, but this song is so entrenched in the '80s decade that I don't care what Decade Police might be inclined to say here.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 18

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   18

User Comments

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Kristof Robertson - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Fab job, Agri. In a recent music poll in the UK, Joy Division were voted one of the 10 most important bands of the 80s, despite the fact Ian Curtis pegged it in May 1980...go figure. 555
John Barry - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Amen. 5s
Rick C - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS but, trust your pacing, as well as Kristof and John...555
Agrimorfee - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Rick C--you didn't vote yet. (thanks for the vote[s] of confidence! :))]
MrMacphisto - June 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Despite being a huge New Order fan, I never liked Joy Division - except for this song. Good parody... 5,5,5
Stuart McArthur - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
is this autobiographical about you, Agri, or biographical about MG? I recall the OS, but the last line of each stanza paces to "I'll never fall in love again" and now I can't get that out of my head - 555
Rick C - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
OK, voted now. Sorry about that.
LucidLupin LeeBee - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
555 From a former Joy Division fan ;)
Agrimorfee - June 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Stu, M.G. is the victim who inspired it. That's all I can say.
Rick C - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Oops, you're right, Agri. I voted now, sorry.
Leo Jay - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
[SOTM] What's this? For years, I've heard NOTHING but good things about Wal-Mart, then suddenly, this. How odd. Nicely done.
Dumb Ass Kid - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
[SOTM] Short but very sweet 555
Red Ant - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Agreed here Agrimorfee. Good job on this one.
Arwen - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM--DKTOS, but the Starbucks line made me laugh!
Mike (Mike Armstrong) - July 09, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) You mean you don't like wearing your blue vest? Shocking ;)
Peter Andersson - July 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM). I see you're working more humour into your parodies. Good job, I liked this one, maybe because I can relate a bit too much, but anyway.
Dee Range - July 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DNKOS, but agree on the sentiments
Dr. Bob - July 19, 2005 - Report this comment
not sure if i should love wal-mart or hate them. perhaps you should send this to cnbc so they can use it in their next 'walmart - behind the smiles' story. good job.
Jeff Reuben - July 22, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, this should be the Target of many comments =) Good job!
Rick C - July 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above for comments and votes.
Johnny D - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A job at Starbucks looks good? YIKES
Tim Mayfield - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) First time I heard of Wal-Mart I thought they sold walls, but here they turn out to be some sort of thrift store. I won't comment on what I've learned about their corporate office. 5's
Stuart McArthur - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(sotm) already commented, and already answered by you Agri, but I'm even more curious now! - July 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Hey now. Work at Wal-Mart. Stock the shelves there. All day.

Sorry. I had to throw in that view for balance.

I really like the OS, but it just occurred to me that these may be the actual lyrics, since they're pretty much indecipherable. Anyhoo - nice work, Aggro - I particularly like "One of these days I'll tell off all these toads." And please thank MG for letting us live this vicariously through her/him, so we don't have to go through it ourselves.
Phil Alexander - July 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Does kind of make me glad that I don't (and in all likelihood never will) work for Wal-Mart :-D
Kristof Robertson - July 31, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Still great, Agri...and extra kudos for taking on a British underground classic.
Mikey Squirrel - July 31, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM.. I knew someone who worked at Wal-Mart once. He could relate to this so well. I still like shopping there, though. As evident in Very well done, Agri. 555
2nz - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
"The Wal-Mart, it's lowering it's prices to stop us. I can't make it, son, I gotta buy this wrench set. Go on without me and defeat the Wal-Mart" - paraphrasing from South Park

DKTOS, but right on about the subject matter. Works pretty well as a free-read too.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Yeah, that South Park episode was hilarious, especially when it pooped after imploding. I'm sure we can all relate with the loathing of menial employment, Aggy, I certainly share your sentiments. And with Emi on staff, Starbucks sure does look enticing...
S.T.G. - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
I found this greatly amusing. Beinbg that walmart is a wicked store when it comes to buying cds. Sure the prices may be low, but they never have any CDs with parental advisory. But they always seem to have the edited crap. Great parody, 555
Rex - March 04, 2006 - Report this comment
[AmiRight Classifieds] But, this is the type of job (service sector) that's the future of America, according to our leaders. Ooh, there's a parody idea: "Someday We'll All Work At Wal*Mart". Well done.
Agrimorfee - March 16, 2006 - Report this comment
For all yer 555s, thanks fellas! MG is still there as we speak, surviving.
Red Ant - March 22, 2006 - Report this comment
(Classifieds) See above
Matthias - March 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(Work) As Celine Dion said out of the words of Matthias, "Wal-Mart Can't Go On!!!!"
Jeff Reuben - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Classifieds: See above, nice to enjoy it again!
Stuart McArthur - March 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(classifieds) ah yes, I remember this one - fine job, Agri (er, I don't mean the job at Wal-Mart tho)
Johnny D - March 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above

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