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Song Parodies -> "Ted Kennedy"

Original Song Title:

"Bad Medicine"

Original Performer:

Jon Bon Jovi

Parody Song Title:

"Ted Kennedy"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I think the only actual Kennedy curse is on Ted Kennedy: he's been doomed to watch as everyone else in the family dies as romantically as possible, and then to die in disgrace and relative obscurity himself. Even if he doesn't die naturally, he'll never be as fondly remembered as the others. Hence, if he should meet an untimely demise, I think his story will end something like this:
I ran over Ted Kennedy!
I didn't mean to, it was just a mistake!
Didn't mean to hit Ted Kennedy;
There wasn't time to put my foot on the brake!

(Dead Kennedy!)

I never thought the Senator would get in front of me!
You better call the morgue, 'cause he's as dead as he can be!
Have you got a quarter, gotta call my attorney;
I'm in trouble with the cops, they've put the cuffs on me!
They're arresting me for murder one felony!

Trying to get a camera on me;
The sharks are circling; it's time to flee!
They wonder if I've something to say;
I swear I'll go quietly, now take me away!

I ran over Ted Kennedy!
I didn't mean to, that's all I'll say!
Not my fault I hit Ted Kennedy;
I didn't see him when he got in my way.

(Dead Ted Kennedy!)

Rockstar Games is on the phone, they've found a new game pitch,
Mister Stone is on the other line; he swears he'll make me rich.
I'm getting way too much attention; my computer has been hacked,
Publishers are in contention for a tell-all book contract.
They'll hire some security in case I get attacked.

Can't you see?
I didn't ask for all this stuff!
Let me be!
Don't all you jackals know, enough is enough!?
Begging, please:
Why don't you just get off of my phone?
It was just an accident; now leave me alone!

Just 'cause I hit Ted Kennedy
They're blaming me 'cause he died prematurely
When I ran over Ted Kennedy
His alcohol level was point-twenty-three!

(Dead Ted Kennedy!)
(We've got a
Dead Ted Kennedy!)

[Guitar Solo]

Lee Harvey Oswald got his gun and blew off Johnny's head;
Sirhan Sirhan went for Bobby and he pumped him full of lead;
Conspiracy theorists are all cursing my name,
But Edward was in an accident; he's dead just the same.

I ran over Ted Kennedy
It was an accident; no one was with me.
Just a fluke; I hit Ted Kennedy
Don't give me that dumb Second Driver Theory!

I ran over Ted Kennedy;
He staggered right in front of me.
Suck it up, I hit Ted Kennedy
Don't blame his accident on conspiracy!

(Dead Ted Kennedy!)
(Now he's a
Dead Ted Kennedy!)
Actually, it will be a tragedy when death finally catches up with him, because by Massachusetts standards, Ted Kennedy is the more moderate Senator!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   2
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Steve K. - December 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Wishing this on Ted K. him is over the limit, especially considering what the Kennedys have endured, and no matter what anyone's politics is. This is no better than when Alec Baldwin wished that someone would stone Henry Hyde and his family. Not worth a vote.
Narf - December 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Shut the (blank) up, PP Longstinking. This parody wasn't about bathroom related stuff. You really need professional help.
mac - December 20, 2004 - Report this comment
I liked it.
Michael Pacholek - December 21, 2004 - Report this comment
I would've voted the opening comment all fives. Unfortunately, you had to go on. You want to make fun of Ted? Here's a good one: "Poor Ted Kennedy: First a philanderer becomes President, then an immature alcoholic who clearly isn't up to the job. What does a guy have to do?" But you had to do this. I expect this garbage from Rush Limbaugh, Bob Grant and Sean Hannity. But even Guy DiRito wouldn't stoop to this. He'd at least go after Ted on policy and THEN sneak in a potshot or two.
Offender - December 23, 2004 - Report this comment
DiRito is DiRito and I am me. There's already enough of the kind of addle-pated ranting against Bush I'd expect from Michael Moore, Al Franken, and Maureen Dowd on here already, so why follow suit? As for policy, no one remembers Ted Kennedy (or any other Kennedy, really) for his policies! I could have done a Mary Jo Kopechne joke, but I figure we've had enough lame Clinton libido jokes to last us a while. What's distinctive about Ted Kennedy is how everyone has profited (and will continue to profit) from the Kennedy deaths except for him. Some people just can't win for losing.
Dangling Chad - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Two positive comments. Nineteen 555's.
Red Ant - March 28, 2005 - Report this comment
555 for running over Ted Kennedy.
Offender - April 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I'll clarify this one more time: I'm not saying I WANT someone to run over Ted Kennedy, just that no matter how he dies, he'll never have an ending as romantic as the ones his brothers had. As I see it, a random car accident is probably one of the most boring ways to die, other than just keeling over dead from old age.

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