Guy down at the pub, he said to me
Not much left that you can hunt, legally:
Badger baiting's done
And fox and deer are gone
Times they are movin' on
I had to agree, yeah, me
Times they are movin' on
But he said to me, tee hee, he said:

I hunt guacamole
A pretty hard-to-find, unprotected beastie
I hunt guacamole
So come on, pick a gun and hunt with me
Bang!

He smiled, and then he started explaining his take
What don't matter he said, is what you bag by mistake
Last time, back o' the car
Had a deer, an a gira-ffe
Cops try an' move me on
Tried to book me, yeah me
They try an' move me on
So I said to the PC - I said:

I hunt guacamole
It isn't a crime to go and get this beastie
I hunt guacamole
So come get your police dog and hunt with me
Woof!

[Solo with hunting horns, tarantara etc.etc.etc]

Ain't gonna ride alone
A-huntin' guacamo-ow-ole
Carryin' a great big gun
Why don't you come see - yeah, see
And we'll be riding on and shooting at anyone
Come and see, singin'

I hunt guacamole
Huntable and unlegislated beastie
I hunt guacamole
So saddle up the dogs and hunt with me

I hunt guacamole
See what you can get if you don't hit this beastie
I hunt guacamole
So dress up all in red and hunt with
I hunt guacamole
What d'ya mean, you ain't heard o' this beastie?
I hunt guacamole
So come on bait your trap and hunt with
I hunt guacamole
No wee sleekit, cowering timorous beastie
I hunt guacamole
So get up on your horse and hunt with
I hunt guacamole
Look what I got, I shot one o' these beasties
I hunt guacamole
So come on pick a gun and hunt with me