I need a new judge
One they want me to pick
So they won't think I've gone too far
Hope I find one quick, quick, quick

I need a new judge
One with much better cred
One that won't make the Senate cry
One they will love instead

One that can scratch the surface
Seeming to have a clue
One that makes them feel I'm no heel who's been untrue
I think I'm way past due

I need a new judge
One that won't bail
One that won't hide too much
Or send me hate mail

I need a new judge
One that knows how to pray
One that leans a bit to the right
One who's got hair that's mostly gray

One that won't call me doofus
Broadcast across the news
One who says their thrilled to help build our better schools
And cut the cost of fuel
Not just pull the wool, then flee

spoken:

"Your honor. I would like to ask for a recess at this time."
"On what grounds?"
"On the grounds that my coffee cup is empty, your honor."
"Request granted."

(3 minute coffee break)

I need a new judge
One that does what I say
One that won't take advice from dad
One that won't tell me, go away!

I need a new judge
One from the south
One that knows how to talk real tough
And make the House speak out

One that won't make me promise
To scratch their back some too
One that won't appeal to the dealings of the mule
Or pass some heathen rule
That would not be cool

No, no

(recess)