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Song Parodies -> "Dylan's Message"

Original Song Title:

"The Message"

Parody Song Title:

"Dylan's Message"

Parody Written by:

Dylan Baranski

The Lyrics

At times, I never thought I'd get here, but here I am with my 300th parody. I've been wanting to do this one for a while, but it took me an even longer while to get all the concepts together. Anyways, about the parody: since May is "Mental Health Awareness Month", I figured I'd do a parody to raise awareness of mental health issues. The way I see it, "the ghetto" isn't just about being trapped in a bad environment and being poor and all that, as described in the OS. Often, "the ghetto" is in one's head, and even if one has all the money and fortune in the world, they may not feel like they're the most fortunate person ever. Besides, mental health issues don't care about material possessions. That aside, enjoy the parody! DKTOS: Music video. Audio only.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

Broken dreams EVERYWHERE,
People bitchin’ on the air, I wonder if they care.
I can’t take this pain, can’t take this strife,
Got no money to move out, I guess this is my life.
Ticks in the front yard, skeeters in the back,
Hornets in my mailbox waitin’ to attack.
I tried to get away but I couldn’t get far
‘Cause a man with a pickup ran into my car.

Don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge;
I’m tryin’ not to lose my head.
A-huh huh huh huh,
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

Room feels like a jail cell, lookin’ out the window,
Watchin’ all activity, social life is a stone’s throw.
Pretty lady livin’ on the streets,
Cleanin’ out the food pantries, used to have some fleet feet.
Wanted to fandango, men would want to tango,
A Stanton goddess seemed to lost her bodice
Down at the strip club in her birthday suit
So she could make some hundreds for her student loans.
She went to the chapel and got into a grapple,
She had to get divorced; her husband was so violence-prone.

Don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge;
I’m tryin’ not to lose my head.
A-huh huh huh huh,
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

My brother’s doin’ good, makin’ way more than me,
Think he’s movin’ too fast; it’s just not healthy.
Goes to Boston in the daytime, comes home at night,
He’s even makin’ games and he’s doin’ all right.
The writing critics that read my works
Say I’m no good; I think they’re jerks.
Got a hunch, got deduction, but I work in Production,
Can’t take the route to my job ‘cause it’s under construction.
Madman Batman breathin’ down my neck,
Can’t make a getaway, caught up in a bottleneck.
Life’s such a cesspool, got wack ground rules,
Sometimes it’s hard to keep my cool; I swear I might cuss out my school!

Don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge;
I’m tryin’ not to lose my head.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

[break]

I tell my parents, “I don’t wanna go to work
‘Cause it don’t pay enough and the boss is a jerk.
And all the girls got fellas, from Amy to Stella,
I doubt that they’d care if I got salmonella,
Or herpes or AIDS, ate some nightshade,
Dressed in BDUs, jumped on a grenade.
‘Cause it’s all about lovin’, ain’t impressed the coven.
You got to have a bun in this land of stoves and ovens.
They killed that chick who got near their car,
Took her to Australia; so close and yet so far.
Shot that man right in his house,
Gave her manslaughter ‘cause the judge was soused.
I can’t go to the store ‘cause the shoppers I abhor,
Keep my hands on my cart ‘cause they spook me in this mart.
I feel really foreign like I’m in Warren,
See ‘em schlep for margarine, might as well spend florins.”

Don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge;
I’m tryin’ not to lose my head.
Say what?
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under.

A child is born with no state of mind,
Blind to the ways of mankind,
God is smilin’ on you, but he's frownin’ too
Because only God knows what you'll go through.
You’ll grow in the suburbs livin’ upper crust,
But your eyes will sing a song of distrust.
The places you play and where you stay,
They got great big schemes underway.
You’ll admire all the comic book makers,
Cops, docs and actors and the men with Moonrakers.
Drivin’ fast cars, spendin’ Franklins and Grants
And ya wanna go big though your odds are scant.
Gangsters, bankers, oil tankers,
Corporate embezzlers, even news anchors.
You say, “I’m cool, huh, I’m no fool!”
But then ya wind up graduatin’ high school.
Now you’ve moved away, all nice and gay,
Live in dorms with some guy named Sanjay.
Graduated, but look what ya done did:
Got sent up for a lifetime bid.
Now your manhood is took and you’re a number,
Spend your hard-earned cash on debts that encumber.
Bein’ used and abused, a corporate drone,
‘Till one day, you blew out your brains all alone.
It was plain to see that your life was lost,
You would gain wealth and fame at any cost,
But now your folks sing that sad, sad song
Of how you lived too slow and died so young.

So don’t push me ‘cause I’m close to the edge;
I’m tryin’ not to lose my head.
Huh huh huh huh,
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under,
Huh a-huh huh huh huh,
It’s like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under,
Huh a-huh huh huh huh huh.

[spoken word skit]:
“Yo, D, you see that girl over there?”
“Yeah, man!”
“Hey, that sounded like J-man, dude!”
“Cool!”
“Yo, wassup J-man?”
“Hey, where’s Scooter and his pal at?”
“They’re in Mass chillin’ out!”
“So what’s up for tonight, guys?”
“Yo, we could go down to the Free Play, man!”
“Let’s go play some Qix, man!”
“Hey yo, you know that chick Scarlett?”
“Yeah, man.”
“She’s in another movie, man!”
“What?”
“Which one, man?”
“That Marvel one!”
“When’s it comin’ out?”
“Hey, what’s goin’ on?”
“FREEZE! Don’t nobody move a muscle! You’re under arrest! Hands behind your head!”
“WHAT!?”
“Hey man, we’re down with MC QuadSport and the Spurious Six, man!”
“What is that, a gang!?”
“No!”
“SHUT UP! No talkin’! Shut up!”
“Hey officer, what’s the problem!?”
“You’re the problem!”
“Hey, you don’t gotta push us!”
“Get in the car! Get in the car! GET IN THE GOD…I SAID ‘GET IN THE CAR’!”
“Why’s he hasslin’ us, man?”
Explanation of verses:

*The first set of verses is based on my own experience of the pitfalls of living in Rhode Island.
*The second set of verses is about how poorly women are treated. "A Stanton goddess" refers to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, an early figure in the women's rights movement who wrote "The Woman's Bible", a book challenging traditional religious views at the time.
*The third set of verses is for all those people who felt they got the short end of the stick when it came to sibling rivalry and growing up.
*The fourth set of verses is based not only on my own anxiety and experience with mental health issues, but also references the police shootings of Justine Damond and Botham Jean.
*The final set of verses is a commentary on the plight of many people in my age group. "Franklins and Grants" refers to Benjamin Franklin and Ulysses S. Grant, who are on the $100 and $50 bills. Here, the word "gay" is used with a double meaning, not only in the old-timey sense of "happy", but also referencing how many people come out as gay by the time they're in college.
*The spoken word skit is a hypothetical interaction between me, my brothers, some of our friends and the police. “The Spurious Six” is a play on “The Furious Five”.

Copyright 2020 by Dylan Baranski GmbH S.p.A. Inc. Misuse is punishable by being pushed even when you're close to the edge, and then losing your head

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Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 3.8

Total Votes: 4

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dylan Baranski - May 21, 2020 - Report this comment
Mike, what the hell are you smoking?
Darius - May 21, 2020 - Report this comment
I think Mike's just dumb, Dylan.
Dylan Baranski - May 23, 2020 - Report this comment
And now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm the only one who's had problems with him or if he's a plague on this site as a whole.
CML - May 25, 2020 - Report this comment
I think MIKE's intrigued by your lyrics, Dylan -- seeing as how he's fallen off the edge of some psychiatric cliff .... What's wrong with our website? Yours is one of the most significant efforts in months, and no one is saying anything about it ..... I remember this song when it came out in '83; I wasn't doing so well myself at the time, so it spoke to me
CML - May 25, 2020 - Report this comment
I can relate to getting the short end of the sibling rivalry thing. I was the youngest of five brothers. I did one parody about this called "Brohemian Rhapsody" which refers to an actual sh*t thing that an elderbro did to me ...... When I was asked once what my brothers were like I said "Two of my brothers were highly successful and aggressive trial attorneys; and then there were the two quasi-sociopaths who were the real problem"
Dylan Baranski - May 25, 2020 - Report this comment
CML, thank you for acknowledging all the time and effort I put into this parody! I'm sorry if I didn't respond sooner; I don't check this site as often as I used to. I'll have to check out "Brohemian Rhapsody" if it's anywhere on this site.
Dylan Baranski - June 18, 2020 - Report this comment
Mike, you either get away from my parodies or you're gonna be having a little talk with the Rhode Island State Police!

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