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Song Parodies -> "I Wank On Zoom"

Original Song Title:

"I Drink Alone"

Original Performer:

George Thorogood

Parody Song Title:

"I Wank On Zoom"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

After much head scratching by the general public, Jeffrey Toobin has decided to "come forward" and be a "stand up" guy and "come clean" about his lifelong addiction to public masturbation; and it's not a pretty picture!! Why you can almost pity the poor bastard; when you're not ROLFing at him, of course .............. For those not familiar with the OS, the singer is an alcoholic who personifies various brands of alcohol as his friends -- good buddy Weiser; old pal Jack Daniels and his partner Jimmy Beam; Johnny Walker and his brothers Black and Red. So I'll "try my hand" on that as well
I wank on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
I wank on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I jerk on Zoom
I prefer to apply myself

Now every evening just before bedtime
Dont need no high class Wh#res
Just me and my girl Rosie Palmer
That's all I need to score
Cause I wank on Zoom
Yeah, like noboby else
Yeah, you know when I wank on Zoom
I dont wanna deny myself

The other night dined on Beef Strokinoff
And who perchance did I meet
'Twas the old Slav perv Jack Mehoff
And his partner, Ivan Beat-
So I jerked on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I jerked on Zoom
I prefer to defile myself

The other day was asked to choke chickens
And it made feel homesick
For my childhood pal, Johnny Pullet
And his brothers Tug and Dick
So I jerk on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
Cause you know when I jerk on Zoom
I frotteur to malign myself

Now the whole damn world's done shunned me
And I'm feeling less than grand
Now the only one who will relieve me
Is that old Yank, Lefty Hand
Caused I yanked on Zoom
Yeah, like nobody else
And you know when I wanked on Zoom
I concur I begrimed myself

Yeah, you know when I jerked on Zoom
I concur I punch lined myself

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - October 29, 2020 - Report this comment
If there's a happy ending to his fireing he'll have to provide it himself I guess. Security Code 6EY!
Onslaught - October 30, 2020 - Report this comment
I bet it was hard at first, coming up with this parody. But you pulled it off in the end and didn’t leave us hanging.
Callmelennie - October 30, 2020 - Report this comment
Yes, It was hard at first, but I've had harder times. Like the time I ran out of Viagra, and, just like the Komodo Dragon in Balinese lore that devoured the poisonous tree frog, I suffered a severe case of "reptile dysfunction." ..... So my wife rushed me to the ERU (Erection Recovery Unit) where the "head nurse" immediately performed Erecto-Shock Therapy. Well, short story long, they let my wife into the room for a conjugal visit and 10 minutes later i was discharged
Callmelennie - October 30, 2020 - Report this comment
I do believe I popped my w@d with that last paragraph. Feeling a little tuckered out; maybe I need to go see Alice
Peter Andersson - October 30, 2020 - Report this comment
I hope you're not dangling in the dark now post-wankus. Here are two (real) terms you might wanna penetrate if you decide to zoom in further on this hugely popular subject. IIEF (International Index of Erectile Function) and EHS (Erection Hardness Scale).

Yes, if you get old enough you might have to tell your doctor on a scale from 1-4 exactly how hard it gets. I do think they still take your word for it, having a hot nurse zoom you asking to see on behalf of the clinic could give your wife the wrong idea.

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