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Song Parodies -> "Gimme a Kite (A Philadelphian's Story)"

Original Song Title:

"Give Me The Night"

Original Performer:

George Benson

Parody Song Title:

"Gimme a Kite (A Philadelphian's Story)"

Parody Written by:

Warren Baker

The Lyrics

Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790. For more biographical parodies, see The Player (Ode to Brett Favre), Evermore (Edgar Allan Poe 1809-1849), and Pat Sajak Woman.

Don't know the original? Gimme the Night- George Benson.
He cheered, “The rain is fallin’!”
And all the people in his party
Saw him go outside
They heard the thunder callin’
They said “Hey, eclectic dude
What is your state of mind?”

“Well, there’s lightnin’ everywhere,
And, look, I’ve got some keys to spare.
Just gimme a kite.
Gimme a kite.”(1)

He was a man of action
He liked to read but couldn’t see
He needed glass enhanced
Had a brain contraction
Knew what he needed right away
Cured his blurry glance

Soon was reading everywhere
With those bifocals he would wear(2)
“They gimme the sight.
Gimme the sight.”

He was the thoughtful type
Wrote Poor Richard’s Proverbs
You could say twas pennywise
He had a zeal for life
He loved to discover
For he saw what just might
Be more refined
How you warm your behind(3)
“Just gimme a light.
Gimme a light.”

With inventiveness to spare
He gave us catheters for care
For freeing the dike
Freeing the dike.

He rose to noble heights
And signed with his brothers
They declared their common plight(4)
But early on, his time
With printers, he hovered
Though it seemed that he might
Print all his life
Job just wasn’t his type

And every kid remembers
He left his stamp on postage dealings
Makes our mail come by
Overseas he bantered
He was cause célèbre in streets,
Salons, and Paris nights
Lots of stories I could share
But frankly, Ben’s beyond compare
He’s Benny the Bright
Benny the Bright.

(1)Much is known about Franklin’s experiment with electricity. What isn’t known is how a local law officer thought Franklin had been drinking, the rationale being “What fool would be flying a kite in this weather?” Franklin, of course, had been drinking, but he anticipated the possible confrontation. As he saw the officer approaching, he popped a piece of candy in his mouth. The officer asked if Franklin had been drinking, and Franklin denied any imbibing. At this point, the only thing the officer could do was to perform an 18th century breathalyzer test, commonly referred to as “sniffing around.” Franklin’s candy masked the scent, and the officer left Franklin alone. Later, Franklin made the recipe for his ‘candy’ available to the public, and the public loved it. To this day, the Franklin Mint is as popular as ever. But not as tasty.

(2) The original bifocals had very thick lenses, and they were also very cumbersome to wear. Oddly, wearers often found if they drank ale, the glasses tended to make certain women or men appear very attractive. Though the glasses were impractical to wear for the general populace, they were a big hit at the University of Pennsylvania. The ‘Fanny Focals’, or ‘Glee Glasses’ eventually gave way to the name we know today as ‘Beer Goggles.’

(3) Many believe the Franklin Stove was developed to keep smoke from entering the home when a fire was lit. Actually, Franklin developed the stove so his band could come by and rehearse. Few know that Franklin was a popular tavern singer who appeared nightly at the “Toasted Wig’ in downtown Philadelphia. The band, primarily consisting of veterans from the Revolutionary War, was called Bennie and the Vets.

(4) During the many long nights deliberating freedom and stuff, Franklin befriended James Madison and his wife, Dolly. Dolly, a very nice lady who wore beautiful capes, was partially deaf. One afternoon after a particularly long session on a notoriously cold Pennsylvania winter’s day, the fireplace went out unexpectedly and could not be restarted. Franklin, who hated the cold, was heard to exclaim, “We certainly could use some Dolly Madison capes in here.” Apparently, Dolly thought he said cakes, so she went home and baked some. And culinary history was made.
Copyright 2010 Warren Baker.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 5

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Warren - Nice job. America is blessed because of the gift of "Franklin - Sense"! ;D
Mark Scotti - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
That was.....ELECTRIC!!!
John Barry - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm givin' ya fives.
AFW - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
I like historical parodies..Excellent job
WarrenB - October 11, 2010 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone. It was a fun to write, and glad you enjoyed it!

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