Had to crap, raised the lid real slow
Made sure there was TP, he really had to go
He was fartin' real loud, he was making a scene
Dropped his pants- let 'em fall, but in the bowl made him scream!

There was a big fat log, all around sh-t was sprayed
The smell burned his eyes, flushed 3 times but it stayed

No water did he see in the dirty cistern
Water line was open, but the toilet wasn't workin'

Grabbed a coat hanger from the closet rack
Started sawin' that turd in half
Then the plunger, up-n- down strokes
But down in the hole, no water would flow!

He said, "F-ck it", and grabbed his ****
Forget the flushin'
He laid some toilet paper on top

It was a backed-up toilet (Got tears in his eyes)
A backed-up toilet
Not gonna flush, backed-up toilet (Tears in his eyes)
Backed-up toilet (A tragic surprise)
But he's gotta sh-t tonight!

When he was drivin' down a lane, in a heavy downpour
Had to use a restroom, but it was a quarter to 4 (am)

Again, he became pissed, had a butthole to drain
Spotted a Port-a-Potty, and his composure was regained

But what he found was shockin', his pants just dropped
Piss all over the seat, and with crap piled way up top!

Box was backed-up. " Hell No!" (Much to his surprise)
Backed-up. "Oh No!" (Sphincter actualized)
Yeah, he HAD to go (Squatted, closed his eyes)
No toilet paper either (Nothing with to wipe), he used his neck tie
It was a helluva night!!! But he got by... barely!

Now he keeps a routine
Goes out in the day
Knows all the good restrooms
All along his way

No more backed-up toilets (No more nasty surprise)
Forget backed-up toilets (Got TP pockets lined)
Bought a superb toilet @ Home Depot
Guaranteed not to block-up
It's got improved water flow... don't cha know?

Backed-up toilets
Threat neutralized
No more nasty surprise

He's even got Depends in reserve!!!