Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
if you don’t believe that you’re naïve.
You may think it’s merely harmless banter
but hear her groaners and you’re sure to heave.

“I thought I saw an eye surgeon
on an island off the shore
of Alaska --,” smirk emergin’,
“’twas an optical Aleutian” Grandma swore.

“Matter’s not how far you push it,”
Grandma said, “the envelope ”
is stationery, and the ele-
ment that cools your cocktail is an ice o’ tope.”

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
eyes’re rolling like you’d not believe.
If an audience you madly grant her
from her gags you’ll soon be begging a reprieve.

“The roundest knight at King Art’s table,”
she said “was Sir Cumference.”
“and a cur who whelped mid-highway
went to jail for littering! Does that make sense?”

“Stan* knew Nan* was a moonshiner
but that fella loved her still”
Grandma notes, “and backward poets
write inversely, always have, and always will.”

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
once she’s started she will never leave;
she imagines she’s quite the enchanter
with paronmastic punchlines up her sleeve..

Grandma told me that her butcher,
“tho’ not one to duty shirk,
once backed into his meat grinder
and he got a little behind in his work.”

“A short-statured fortune-teller
was arrested on a charge
of fraud,“ Grandma said, “but jumped bail
and so now he’s a small medium at large”

"Grandma’s having fun and she’s no danger –
oldsters should have fun at lifetime’s eve,
be indulged a bit as years grow scanter."
Yeah? If that’s what you think you’re just naive.

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s in danger –
her pun fun is no more just a peeve.
Folks’re saying if they could they’d plant her
six feet under and they’d never grieve.