Well, I'm no rock singer, I've got thumbs for fingers,
And a voice like the AFLAC duck.
If I ever tried to preen on TV or movie screens
I'd pro'bly starve never earning a buck.
So I'll never know the thrill that famous people feel,
But I'd call it all even and fair,
If they'd just come and get me
And for one week let me
Be the center of the Hollywood Square!

(Hollywood Squares...)
Wanna be the one right in the middle.
(Squares...)
Makin' funny ad-libs for their riddles.
(Squares...)
Wanna see my smilin' face in the center of the Hollywood Square.

Well, you may not know it, but on every single show it
Seems the center square is always picked first.
While above, the wanabe and the has-been underneath
Are avoided like their cubes have been cursed.
In fact I've heard it said, though many claim he's dead,
A closer look removes any doubt,
That the middle-bottom square (safe as any mountain lair)
Is where Osama bin Laden hides out!

(Hollywood Squares...)
Gotta be right at the epicenter.
(Squares...)
I could be an A-one bluff inventor.
(Squares...)
Wanna see my smilin' face in the center of the Hollywood Square.

Well, I guess it's kinda neat that the group is so elite
On whom a Center Square position is bestowed.
Seems I might be benefited if I wore a dress and knitted,
Or had boyfriends in my closet to disclose.
I could tell a raunchy tale and claim I never did inhale
But I wouldn't want to steal another's flair.
So unless my life gets steamy it's unlikely you will see me
In the center of the Hollywood Square.

(Hollywood Squares...)
Wanna be the one right in the middle.
(Squares...)
Makin' funny ad-libs for their riddles.
(Squares...)
Wanna see my smilin' face in the center of the Hollywood Square.

In the Center of the Hollywood Square!
(AFLAAAAAAAC)