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Song Parodies -> "The Captain Of The Row"

Original Song Title:

"The Captain Of Her Heart"

Original Performer:

Double

Parody Song Title:

"The Captain Of The Row"

Parody Written by:

Phil Scopes

The Lyrics

This song is dedicated to Frank Perry, former English teacher at Lane Tech High School in Chicago, IL. He used to have a habit of calling on students in class in order starting in the front of the room and working backwards through the "rows." Each row had a number, with "Row 1" being the desks closest to the door, "Row 2" being the next one to the left, etc. up to "Row 6" which were the desks closest to the windows. The students at the front of the room were always called by their "row" numbers to start answering questrions, then Mr. Perry commanded "Continue!" and the student behind would respond. This song shows how I feel about this ritual.
It is now 5th Period, and I'm going to my English class.
That class is the toughest in the school. I really hope I pass.
That teacher is so impersonal. He doesn't call me by name.
But the way he calls me is always the same.

When he calls "Row 5," I always know
that he's calling on me 'cause I am... the Captain Of The Row.
When you're in his class, that's how it'll go.
He'll call you by number... if you're Captain Of The Row.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.5
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   1
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   1
 1
 1
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Christie Marie M - September 22, 2009 - Report this comment
One of my professors call me, and some of the students by their last names and I always hated it! So annoying. In Rutgers near where I live, they treat students like numbers and I can relate to your parody very well! Referring students to "rows" don't help much! Anyways, you are now moved to Row 555!!
Phil Scopes - July 27, 2022 - Report this comment
I've had teachers call everyone by their last names. That is so typical. It only bothers me if they flub the name. I once almost got busted for something I didn't do because I had a classmate with the last name of Stokes, and if a teacher flubbed the name she was referring to by saying "Spokes" or "Scotes," that caused confusion.
George&GermaineBriantFan - July 28, 2022 - Report this comment
Never had this experience, so this is unfamiliar to me. That being said, I can only imagine how row naming must have gone on in 1951. (the greatest year in human history) With you know who (the game show “assistant”...) on the mind of most people in 1951, I can’t imagine getting through that year would have been easy for anyone. (Having the knowledge that 300 Boy Scouts were NEAR her is enough.) But row naming would have been interesting to know about in 1951. Also, how did this get 1,000+ views...yet only ONE vote?
Really? - October 05, 2022 - Report this comment
Nothing better than commenting on a completely unrelated parody to talk about 300 Boy Scouts that appeared on a TV show 70 years ago. Way to go, George Briant fan!
George&GermaineBriantFan - October 08, 2022 - Report this comment
You present an interesting counter-point to what I said. In my comment, I was merely pointing out that row naming would have been interesting to know about in 1951 because of how famous “Beat the Clock”‘s main assistant was. Virtually nobody in that year was not aware of her existence. And seeing as 300 Boy Scouts were put near a scantily clad assistant, which I think most people that already know about this broadcast have forgot, it makes perfect sense to try to connect it to row naming in a school, filled with students who would have no doubt been thinking about said assistant on “Beat the Clock”. Unless you are as familiar with this broadcast as I am, then you do not understand the significance of putting 300 Boy Scouts near a scantily clad assistant. It is something that has never been done anywhere else at any other time in human history, and it is worth writing about.
George Briant's second coming - January 01, 2023 - Report this comment
Your comment has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with the topic in this parody. You should really learn when not to talk about this broadcast. It’s because of your comments that this broadcast has now become an inside joke on this site. Take this day to consider how your comments last year have shaped this site.
Phil Scopes - June 03, 2023 - Report this comment
First I make the first comment on this parody in nearly 13 years. Then someone comes in to talk about an obscure television broadcast featuring 300 Boy Scouts, attempting to compare it to the subject of this parody. And finally, he writes, “you do not understand the significance of putting 300 Boy Scouts near a scantily clad assistant. It is something that has never been done anywhere else at any other time in human history, and it is worth writing about.”
Take Two Records - June 03, 2023 - Report this comment
Read his comment again: “...row naming would have been interesting to know about in 1951, because of how famous “Beat the Clock”‘s main assistant (“Roxanne”) was. Virtually nobody that year was not aware of her existence. And seeing as 300 Boy Scouts were put near a scantily clad assistant, which I think most people that already know about this broadcast have forgot, it makes perfect sense to try to connect it to row naming in a school, filled with students who would have no doubt been thinking about said assistant on “Beat the Clock”.” His comment was logical and factual. Quit trying to prevent the spread of this broadcast.
Phil Scopes - June 03, 2023 - Report this comment
Goodness, no! This broadcast was the greatest thing to ever occur, and I would never do anything to prevent the spread of the news of this broadcast. In fact, I am honored that one of my parodies has references to this historic program in its comments. Imagine the thoughts of middle school boys in 1951!
A classroom in 1951 - June 03, 2023 - Report this comment
“Okay, let’s count the rows of our students to check if everyone’s at class today. Row 1, everyone’s there. Same for Rows 2 and 3. And now we go to...Student, why are your pants wet?” “...I was thinking about that assistant on “Beat the Clock”, and I got too excited.” “Learn to control it next time, okay? Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Row 4, everyone is there. And now at Row 5...oh, no. You have wet pants too?” “Sorry, I think about that assistant on “Beat the Clock” so much.” “Very well, then. And finally, at row 6, let’s see what we have here...oh, come on! All the boys in this row have been affected by it again. Let me guess: the assistant on Beat the Clock?” “No, it was my father’s collection of pictures from the 1930s!”

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