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Song Parodies -> "Battle Royale"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"Battle Royale"

Parody Written by:

Ian McGraw

The Lyrics

If you've never read the book "Battle Royale" by Koushun Takami, this might not make sense to you, so you should go out and read it as soon as possible. Or if you're not a reader, you can watch the movie. It's good too, but the book is better.
A long, long time from now
In an alternate Japan,
The government, it isn't strong.
To overcome the rebellion
It forces kids to partake in
A Program that would make them get along.

But these poor kids, they aren't expecting
To get weapons for their protecting
They get these collars snapped on,
Now all their lives are crapped on...

For now the object of this game
Is to be the one to nab some fame
And be the one who has a name
When all... his friends... have died.

"So fight, fight! Battle Royale," he cried
Sakamochi is the coach, he seems so happy inside,
And them good ol' soldiers standing there by his side
Are just there to shoot the kids who might try
To leave the game before they all die...

Yoshitoki was Shuya's friend
And he met a pretty early end
When he wouldn't let it go...
And Fumiyo should've shut her hole
And maybe she might have a soul
Sakamochi he should've maybe told her so...

Now Mayumi, she was in the way
When Yoshio got scared that day
Now both of them got wrecked
Crossbow arrows in the neck

Kazuo's gang showed up at the rendezvous
(Except for Sho, he never wanted to)
So these four kids trusted way too soon
And now... they all have died...

He started singin'

"Fight, fight! Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi is the coach, he's gonna let 'em all die,
And them good ol' boys manning computers inside
Watch Forbidden Zones day and night
Just in case a kid gets inside...

Now, Sakura and Kazuhiko
Threw themselves off a cliff, you know
Oh they sure loved each other all right,
Mitsuko, she stabbed poor Megumi
Right before we saw Tatsumichi
Get a hatchet in the head during a fight.

Oh and Kyoichi - Shogo shot
Can't tell if he lost his mind or not
Yoji and Yoshimi,
Got shot by Mitsuko, you see

And while Yumiko and Yukiko they yelled
For the violence to stop, they propelled
Kazuo to come and calmly tell
Them both... to go... and die.

He was singin'

"Fight, fight! Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi is the coach, he bet his money on guys
But then Sho and Kazushi both got cocky and died,
And he wondered if his choice was so wise...
Who would be the next one to die?

Takako, she was a running star
But she just could not get very far
From Mitsuko shooting high
And Kaori went kinda nuts
Before she got shot in the guts
By Hirono, who got hung by Toshinori

And that poor boy's bulletproof vest
May have been some help but not the best
Kazuo took that loser out,
Oh, he just shot him in the snout

But then Shinji and Yutaka's plan
Could not finish, Keita got the ban
But then Kazuo became the man
Who helped... these three kids die.

And still he's singin'...

"Fight, fight! Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi is the coach, he doesn't care if they hide,
For when they are done, forty-one kids will have fried
All because the Great Dictator had lied
And didn't like the kids who had pride...

Oh, and Tadakatsu and Yuichiro
Were uncomfortable with others so
They kept Mitsuko at bay,
And they slept in shifts with their eye on her
Then she turned the charms on and they were
Promptly killed by her anyway

Oh, and I'm sure you know the Lighthouse Six
The girls who no man nor god could fix
It was catastrophe
When all six ceased to be

Hiroki was searching for Kayoko
But she didn't feel his love and so
She shot him and then Kazuo
Came in... and yeah, she died.

So guess who's singin'

"Fight, fight, Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi is the coach, he knows that thirty-six died,
And he's happy as hell that Kazuo has survived,
'Cause he knows that to the end he will glide...
Only five more kids have to die...

At the risk of this turning into
The Kazuo Show, the next two
To die were both killed by him,
Now Mitsuko and Mizuho
Were both statistics to him and so
He merely killed them on a little whim.

So that left four kids on the island,
It seems the bodies were a-pilin',
But Shogo had his fill,
So Kazuo he did kill!

And the three kids who were toughest yet
Were all led by Shogo and now had met
The finish line and now were set
To see who else would die.

And still he's singin'...

"Fight, fight! Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi is the coach, he couldn't care less who's died,
With Noriko and Shuya "killed" by Shogo outside,
There was no way he could know that they'd lied...
Noriko & Shuya weren't fried...

So he was singin'...

"Why, why? Battle Royale," he cried,
Sakamochi was the coach, he had nowhere he could hide,
And then Shuya was pissed, he shot him between the eyes,
Singin', "this won't be the day that we die."

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   3

User Comments

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Claude Prez - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Never heard of the book or movie, but this was extremely well-written. I particularly liked that you varied the chorus each time. Great job.
Simon Cowel - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
So erroneously ranking the decade makes it a 1/1/1?
Royce Miller - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
This is one song that I don't intend to parody, just too damn hard; so applause to you.
Ian McGraw - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
Claude: I had to vary the chorus every time in order to keep with the story... thank you for noticing! It was very difficult to do, and I probably still could've done a better job, but finding the right words to keep the flow going was hard. Heh! Simon: I did a quick search and the first site I found listed it as 1982... if that's wrong, then I blame being up until all hours of the night and not wanting to double-check my sources. My apologies. Royce: Thank you! I hadn't planned to do this particular song, but in order to capture that much action from a book I needed a song that was quite long. It just turned out that the rhythm with this one worked well for what I was doing. I appreciate that you recognize the difficulty of this one. And as for the ratings I'm getting for it, I don't have a problem with getting lower than fives on this one. It was a personal accomplishment just to finish it. I understand the subject matter isn't particularly funny, and anyone who hasn't read the book or seen the movie won't understand it at all, so I'm okay with it. But for those of you rating this highly-if even just for the effort I put in-you're tops in my book.
2nz - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow, didn't understand a single thing plot-wise, but this is a very good take on the OS. Varied chorus and everything. ANd you did a good enough job that now I kinda know the story. Anyhow, excellent Ian.
prem - May 20, 2005 - Report this comment
hilarious and yet horrible. love the book and the movies so I think it's just great. very well written

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