You know women are the same no matter time nor place
They don't understand their men are going to make some mistakes
So to you married men all across the land
There's no need to argue, women just don't understand

I remember one year
My boys took me club-hopping
It was me, my brother, my girl, oh, my pop, and my gang of homies
All hopped in the car
We headed downtown to go chill at the bar
My girl started bugging with the place they chose
And when she saw the girls inside
She just turned up her nose
They said, "What's wrong? Those girls might wanna holla!"
She said, "No, my man is taken, and them hoes just want dollars!"
The next two hours was the same old thing
We kept going to clubs until the clock struck 3
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
The guys went to a strip club and my girl got pissed!
She said, "Guys, what are you doing? I'm getting upset!"
"Well, it's a quarter to three, we haven't had a drink yet!"
I said, "Hon, let's have a good time, please?"
She said "No! You other guys can stay but we're about to go!"
I said, "I'm not about the girls, I'm not doin' no romancin'
girl, please come on inside where the girls are lap-dancin'.
But if you don't want to I can live with that
But you gotta at least let your husband have some fun and relax!"
She wasn't with it - all the guys called me lame
Inevitably the next day at work came
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
But my girl said, "No, no way, uh-uh, forget it"
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
I heard my homies all talkin' there behind my back
And when I went out to lunch, it was just as I thought
The guys were cracking up laughing! Now my rep is shot!
And those who weren't laughing still had a ball
Because they were pointing and whispering as I walked down the hall
I got home and told my girl how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing you don't need them,
cause they're not good friends"
For the next six hours I tried to explain to my girl
That I was the probably being labeled the lamest guy in the world
So to the married men all across the land
There's no need to argue
Women just don't understand

Oh-kay, here's the situation
We got a new TV with the high definition, and uh,
We get our cable from a whole new source
Is that cool?
Umm, well, of course it is!
I'll just watch the tube and break it in
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
Just some guys around my neighborhood
Well, maybe I shouldn't
Yeah, of course I should
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
Got all my friends to put up flyers at the end of my block
Next thing, we're watching movies like 'Dead Man Walking'
Cool flicks like 'Batman' and mushy ones like 'Look Who's Talking'
There was a channel who's name I'm scared to mention
So we turned it on, just to see the transmission
I said, "See what I see?"
They said, "Yeah, oh my..."
Then we were watching 'Spice' channel, not believing our eyes
I said, "Guys, we should all clean up quick
My girl might be home really quick"
They said, "C'mon, dawg - we don't wanna miss!
Besides, would you wanna miss seein' movies like this?"
I agreed and let my homies stay
They were watchin' nudie flicks, so was I, I must say- word
We ordered pizza, waited for the driver
We ordered to small pizzas and two big pies, of course
They kicked their shoes off onto the floor
They said, "Kick back, another movie came on!
We're spillin' drinks on the seats, the pizza's givin' us gas
We almost got whiplash, we ate up so fast
The front door was open, the TV was high
And this the next film was something about girls and thighs
There were already three women on the screen so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice my wife's car
We're eatin' pizza and we're watchin' porn
And to make this long story short - short
When my wife looked me over I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't know 'bout them, but I behaved very well, honey"
I almost had a heart attack that day
Saw my girl blow her top, then say all my boys run away
I'm not protected, my ears are astounded...
There is no way for me to tell you how she sounded
My girl made me feel like she sent Jason to get me
I'd rather be in jail than to have my woman hit me
My girl walked in, I backed away
I said, "Ah, babe, dear, how was your day!?"
She didn't speak - I said, "I want to plead my case"
But my woman just shoved me in my room by my face
It was a hard night there, I don't know how I'm alive
She took turns - she would yell and then she'd kill me with silence!
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Well women are the same no matter time nor place
So to the married men all across the land
Take it from me, women just don't understand