Met my old lover in the grocery store
Bought me a costume, Halloween
I tried to hide it, “I’m too old a dude”
She was looking at flat-screens

She didn't recognize my face at first
We hadn’t seen since junior high
She went to hug me and inside her cart
Was a costume, Walter White

We took our groceries to the checkout stand
The cashier chortled and he gagged
“You kids are too old!” What embarrassment!
Then we flipped him off and left

We went to treat-or-treat a house or two
“Too old” for treats and candy bars
We bought some Twix-packs at the candy store
And we ate ’em in her car

We grabbed a couple TP’s and
We egged somebody’s house
Elderly couple tried to clean the mess
But neither one knew how

She asked my costume, told her, “Take a guess”
“It’s Jesse Pinkman” she was right
“I would have liked to dress as Spiderman
But I don’t look good in tights”

I said that puberty’s been good to her
But didn’t bless me much at all
She said I kinda look like Mr. Bean
She looks like Annie Hall

We bought a vinyl from the record store
“Halloween” score, 180 gram
We played John Carpenter’s piano keys
While we egged a house to hell

The houses wouldn’t fill our bags
“Too aged? We don’t see how?”
They’re all a bunch of shallow hypocrites
When we are not in town

We drove down to a haunted house
And got a bite to eat
We tried to find a decent house
Another “trick or treat”

The house was empty and our eggs were gone
No use for TP anyway
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away

And then on Monday, I was back at school
The students thought I was insane
I’m trick or treating and I’m way too old
The PA called her name

(Sax plays “Halloween Theme”)